Lorraine Says: I Never Loved You

On Saturday morning, I went with my mother to the eye doctor. She's been wearing reading glasses for ages, but suddenly, she can't see things close OR far and needs to wear glasses all the time.

As she picked out frames and tried them on, my mother kept saying, "help me pick out something that makes me look young," and I kept thinking, "my God is she getting old."

I naturally mean that in the best way possible. I'm getting old too, you know? It's just that looking at her as she peered at me through a pair of bifocals, seeing her older sisters and mother suddenly reflected even more in her face? It was one of those moments.

And then, when we got home, we found my two aunts there as well. They are getting old too.

Lorraine Says: If I Say Hungarian, It'll Ruin Everything

It's a good thing I had loads of adult time this past weekend because the girls are sick and they want nothing more right now than to both be slobbering and sniffling on top of me. It's cute in a really gross, you-are-lucky-that-I-love-you kind of way.

On Saturday night, Pink found a baby-sitter who wasn't me and Cream Cheese, Vye and I went to dinner with her at Asia de Cuba in Miami. Pink didn't know what restaurant Cheese had picked, but as always, driving into Miami was an adventure, especially as we passed some unsavory looking neighborhoods.

Pink: Where are you taking me?

Cheese: Okay, fine, if you had to pick your two favorite types of food what would they be?

Pink: I'm not gonna say! Because if I say something that isn't right or doesn't have anything to do...

Cheese: No, seriously, what are your favorites?

Pink: If I say Hungarian it's gonna ruin everything!

Lorraine Says: Fight, Flight or Nap

Lately, my diet has consisted of eating whatever I'm preparing for Gailey-Bird. This is also known as the Toddler Diet, or, alternatively as the Mac n' cheese diet. I like to give Gailey room to choose what she wants to eat every day. I may give her a few options, but she generally knows what she wants. I'm not sure if this is good parenting, but I'm not a parent, so there is that.

I clearly remember that this was not my mother's philosophy when I was growing up. My mother had more of a "I made it, it's in front of you, you better eat it" policy when it came to food. That my dear readers was a lot of forced bean and beef consumption. Hey, guess what two foods I hate that are in fact Dominican cuisine staples? Beans and beef.

Lorraine Says: M(blogger)ILF

We were sitting in a small Italian restaurant. Behind us was an old couple who were awful kiss-y and across the way was a family. A small, quiet crowd on a Wednesday night.

"I needed this," I said to Penny and then took another bite of a garlic roll.

"Adult time?" Penny smiled.

And that was exactly it. Or maybe more than that, social time. Friend time. Catching up time.

"I never get sick of the girls, but it's hard spending all my time with them. All my stories start with 'and then Gailey-bird said...'"

"I know! Your blog is turning into a mom blog."

WHAT.

Lorraine Says: Supermarket Sweep! (Or How To Waste Time in Three Easy Steps)

Ever since nannying became my full time gig, I've had a legit excuse for my general life procrastination. I mean, sure, I don't have to be constantly hovering over the kids, but bet a box of zebra cakes on the fact that one or both children will start crying, pooping and/or destroying something while I'm right in the middle of trying to get anything productive done.

And then there are days, like today, when I realize that the only person I have to blame for any time I waste is myself.

Here is my three-step guide to absolutely wasting your life away, in case you should ever want to.