Lorraine Says: Excuses, Excuses

Every Thursday my department at HayCarumba has a half an hour staff meeting. Confession? I don't even hate them.

Last Thursday, after one of the managers went through all the updates and highlights, he asked if any of us had any updates to share.

"Lorraine does!" the VP announced.

"Oh, yes!" I said excitedly. "As you all know Long and I presented The Project to the owners this past Monday. And we were approved! We've set a soft deadline of October 1st for the launch of The Project."

My co-workers all mumbled appreciatively. 

"Well, yes," Long replied. "But that wasn't what I was talking about."




"OH!" I clapped my hands together and did a little happy dance wiggle. "My sister is in labor!"

Everyone sort of laughed at me for seemingly pushing that small detail aside.

The best way I can describe the last six days to you all would essentially be "OH!  And my sister had a baby!"

Just on top of all the great, little things happening lately, this one very big thing happened. Everyone say hello to Mae-fly.

Vyelit had her weekly check-up on Thursday and in addition to being 1cm dilated, the doctors told her that her blood pressure was stupid high. A few more tests later, they decided to admit her to the hospital and then induce her on Friday morning.

I'll spare you all the gory details, especially since my main jobs were "fetch water," "make a joke," and "hide when it was time for her to push." I performed all of these tasks like a champ.

One of the meds Vye was one was making her groggy and hot-flash-y. She was only finally able to rest when she got the epidural. I asked how she was immediately after, and with her eyes closed and a smile on her face, she replied, "best. medicine. EVAR."

Vyelit approves. 

The only other thing I can think to say is that birthing is NASTY. Or, I mean, the miracle of life. But also: ew.

Mae and Vye are home now. While she was pregnant, I would bother Vye a lot by asking if she was crowning all the time. She'd stub her toe and I'd ask, "ARE YOU CROWNING?" It annoyed her so much. It was great.

During the whole labor process, the nurses kept asking Vye "on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is the pain?" and she HATED it. So, clearly, I adopted that saying. She'd ask for water and I'd hit her with a "on a scale of 1 to 10, how thirsty are you?" Also great.

In the one day that mommy and baby have been home, I've developed my new line: do you feel like a mom yet? Vye doesn't know how to answer me yet.

And speaking of new lines, the birth of Mae-fly has provided me with a new life excuse to add to my arsenal. Now joining "I have to wash my hair (that day) (this whole month) (for forever) (etc)" and "I have to shave my hands," please welcome, "I can't. I'm a baby daddy now."

Someone asked me for $5 the other day and I said no because I'm a baby dad. Diapers be expensive, yo.

*cough*

We're about as excited as you would imagine for our little new addition. All the bad things that unfortunately paved the way for her arrival are easily forgotten when looking at her little face or when she grips you with her Skeletor hands or when her eyes get all crazy 'cause she's trying to focus on something.

Perhaps one day I'll be able to articulate what Mae means. For now, suffice to say that she's our little drop of God's grace.

And maybe just one more picture:

I like her face.

A lot.

PS: Karaoke, Olympics, and VEDA! All upcoming topics. For real.