Lorraine Says: Just Kidding Guys!

I got a job everyone! Babysitting Her Nieces Lorraine is no more and now here comes HayCarumba Lorraine, because that is in fact the company that hired me.

I know you are all very happy, mostly because now I can stop whining about interviews and unemployment. I'm okay if that's why you are happy. I can accept that.

Truth is, I'm happy to be employed, and it's a good job, better money, better benefits and a good position, where as before I was an assistant. I'm mostly listing these things for myself because I can't for the life of me get excited about working at this place. I don't know what it is about going to work again, after only three months, that is intimidating the crap out of me. And I just want to punch myself in the teeth because this is what I wanted! Isn't it? ISN'T IT.

I know this will pass, because all things do and that's something blogging continually teaches me things. There's nothing like having things stored in cache to remind you of the transitory nature of life.

On Monday I was entertained because I realized that I knew that Gailey-bird's favorite song to sing while on the potty is "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." I know this about her! She's her own little personality and it's amazing. Then, on Tuesday I was accepting a job and making an office supply wishlist. In the midst of a constantly changing story, I just sometimes wish I could tag on a "just kidding" on certain things and have everyone laugh and brush it off.

Cutting off all my hair and looking something like Tootie from The Facts of Life a few years ago? JUST KIDDING.

Those multicolored braces I used to rock in middle school? JUST KIDDING.

Picking pharmacy as my major out of high school? JUST KIDDING.

Back to back vacations in 2009 while I was unemployed? JUST KIDDING.

A Twix and a soda for lunch every day for a year in high school? JUST KIDDING.

Wasting so much time during this stint of unemployment even though I swore I wouldn't? SUPER JUST KIDDING. 

But alas, no such luck my dear friends. I'm just kidding about just kidding, too. That's totally immature.

My second interview last week was really strange. It was with the president of HayCarumba and because I was seriously not serious about landing this job, I was probably more relaxed than I should've been.

He scanned my resume and immediately noticed that I'd worked for Velveeta Crap Watches. "Oh, so you know the Crap family then?" he asked. I smiled and said that I did. He asked me what I thought of them and in my head I thought two things: this is a trap. I knew this would eventually happen.

I knew someone would eventually recognize them. Anyways, I told him they were kind people, because "kind" was the first positive word that popped into my head when I was really thinking, "selfish! rude! evil! liars! condescending! mean!" It's a miracle I didn't say something like, "they is good" and drool on myself.

He just looked at me with a look that said, "bull shit, my friend," and I kept smiling because there was no way I was going to talk bad about my former employer with a potential employer.

"Kind is not the word I'd use," he said. "From where I know them from, they are known as anything but."

And I just kept smiling like a freakin' toddler in a tiara, guys.

But he's right. They aren't kind.

And then I read a book this week where the main character has this realization about herself (that she isn't especially kind) I started wonder if I was.

I'm not sure that I'm especially kind at all.

My mother was telling a story to my aunts last week, about how she used to scold me for being overly affectionate. I used to want to hug my teachers and classmates and just about everyone, basically. She would tell me not to hug people unless they hugged me first, because you never know who wanted to be touched.

She was telling this story in lament, because she blames herself for over correcting me into, well, me. We'll just say I'm more affection selective now-a-days.

I'm not entirely sure where this whole story came from. I just connected a bunch of stuff in my head. Ta-da! Blog post.

My dear readers, thank you for all your support during these last few months. Really. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. I also extend these two questions to you: what life event would you like to stick a "just kidding" after? And do you consider yourself kind?

Or, you know, tell me how glad you are that I won't be complaining anymore.

It's alright. I still like all of your faces.