And then there are days, like today, when I realize that the only person I have to blame for any time I waste is myself.
Here is my three-step guide to absolutely wasting your life away, in case you should ever want to.
1.) Think of something and/or notice something.
b.) Relate that something to something else.
cat.) Spend as much time as you want Internet researching that something else.
An example:
I undoubtedly look the most like my mother, but if you ask me, I'd say my little sister Vyelit acts the most like her. They are both the most social, they have the same mannerisms and humor and can talk and talk and talk. They both argue the same too, which leads to them bickering like 13 year olds.
Lately, though, it's been more and more pronounced and I wonder if it's because Vyelit is a mother now. I mean, sure, the baby is still the size of a spaghetti squash (?) but, she's a mother.
We (lovingly) make fun of my mother for a lot of things, but one of them has always been her super human ability to know the prices of everything at the grocery store. At every grocery store. Last night, Vye came home after doing a little shopping of her own (did you know pregnant people eat a lot?) and this conversation went on in the kitchen.
Vye: Cheese is expensive! It was $3.59.
Mom: Si, si. That's about right. At Bravo, esta a $3.99.
Vye: The Special K was buy one get one free. One was $4.39 though.
Mom: Gwow! But that's still good because one at Wal-mart is $3.79 and you got two. How much were the juices?
Vye: $1.50.
Mom: Que bueno! I just saw them at $2.00.
All those prices were totally made up because I don't know fooey about how much stuff costs. It's not that I don't buy stuff, I just never pay attention. I've been known to swipe my card, get in my car and drive all the way home before I'm like, "uh, how much did I spend?"
So, step one: I noticed something. I noticed that Vye was becoming even more like mother, my mother who still is the champion price-knower.
Step b: Relate that something to something else.
Do you guys remember Supermarket Sweep?
Did I mention awesome?
Step cat: Internet research, which in this case consisted of watching an episode (or two) on YouTube.
The commentary is priceless. "Ooooh, look at him grab that large slab of beef!"
Ooooh, indeed.
Time? Effectively wasted.
I'm mostly kidding, except for the part where I spent part of today watching Supermarket Sweep. I'm probably gonna go apply for a job or invent something now.
I hope you all had wonderful weekends. I bet you and I teamed together would kick ass on Supermarket Sweep.
Probably.
41 comments:
Did somebody say Zebra Cakes?
I would head for the mushroom aisle and pick up all the super expensive shit. That and truffles.
Your 3 step guide to wasting your life is so completely spot on. That's how I wasted most of my life. Though all the time I was sure i was doing something that would one day lead to a meaningful and successful existence, I have never gotten to the meaningful or successful part.
Lor, thanks for bringing Supermarket Sweep back into my life. You made my Monday. And also helped me waste time. So step d) help others waste time. XOXO
I remember that show! Much more informative than those horrid "Jersey Shore" documentaries. :P
I loved Supermarket Sweep. I used to have a store plan of what I would buy and in what order to make sure I won, if I ever got on the show. I'm pretty sure it meant running to meat first, than dairy and then oversized jars of mayo.
1. My grandmother always used to comment on the price of petrol before she went blind. And much like your mother, she'd tell you whether or not you'd gotten a good deal on it. It was kind of weird, to be honest.
2. Supermarket Sweep was amazing. I'd load up on expensive steak, then head for the giant bottles of shampoo that are like $15 each.
3. Your Timtams have landed in New York! Hopefully they'll be in the post soon.
4. I miss your face.
<3
My mother knows the prices of everything too, and which coupons are in the paper that week and how to get stuff for nearly free.
Your mom/sister remind me a lot of my mother... She knows the price of everything before you even realise you're going to ask her about it. Hell, she knew the price of everything before you even thought about buying it. Ridiculous.
I think Kirsti is totes cheating. Supermarket Sweep would be ridiculously easy in Australia because everything may as well come with a limb charge. "I need to give you a finger for Ben & Jerry's? Well, fine, but stay away from the middle one so I can at least fling that at you when you're done." :<
Everyday. Everyday.
I'd definitely make my way to the candy aisle first, but for non-game related reasons.
I have no delusions. I know watching Supermarket Sweep ain't gonna get me nowhere. Though, I'm still hoping to be a rich and famous blogger.
*cough*
Hey! That's an accomplishment, right?! It's gotta be.
Truth. I've never learned anything from "Jersey Shore" but I now know that you can buy to boxes of instant rice with $4.39.
My strategy was to go and do the special challenge, pick up a bonus and then get my cart into the meat aisle.
My mom also does the gas thing. If you paid a few cents more of gas than she did, she judges you a little. Meat seems to be in everyone's master sweep plan. Meat is the way to go.
YAY TIM TAMS.
Miss yours too. <3
My mother has never been a coupon lady. I should probably cross my fingers or knock on wood or something... I mean, coupons are fine, but she would probably drive me nuts.
LOL. That is amazing. I'd offer to send you a pint of good 'ole B&J but when it got there all melty and destroyed, I have a feeling you'd just want to fling that finger at me. So instead, my condolences. :)
I actually forgot about Ben and Jerry's! It really would be the way to win. $15 a pint would add up pretty damned quickly. Plus, we only get the boring flavours here. SAD FACE FOREVER.
First of all, I would just like to point out that you started the post with "Every" instead of "Ever." This is not me pointing it out in an "Oh my gosh, Lor, you're so horrible at editing, blah blah blah" way, but in an "OH MY GOSH! I do that too!!!" kind of way. :)
Second...I used to be mildly obsessed with Supermarket Sweep. And my big sister and I had perfected our strategy for running around the store. We totally would've won if we had been on that show.
Supermarket sweep was my favorite game show of all time, just saying.
I used to watch Supermarket Sweep with my grandmother. Those were the days....
God, all I ever wanted as a kid was to be on Supermarket Sweep. I wanted to grab as many rotisserie chickens as I possibly could!
I would totally keep the bird to myself if you even attempted to send my B&J's. I would send you kisses and hugs for trying because OHMYGOD, I NEED STEPHEN COLBERT'S AMERICONE DREAM NOW. Also, I require Chubby Hubby and Dublin Mudslide. GODDAMNIT, AUSTRALIA. GET FLAVOURS.
YEAH, SEE. Australians would totally cheat at Supermarket Sweep. I'd just keep my happy ass in the ice cream and bath stuff aisles. Screw everything else. Well, unless this market also had a wine section. That'd be super cheating, though. Also, I'd want ice cream more. Sorry, wine.
Damn, I forgot about that show! It always looked like so much fun. Am I hallucinating, or was there also a kids' version in which they go up and down the aisles of a TOY STORE and pick everything they want? Now THAT is a dream come true.
Also, I like the 1.), b.), cat.) format. Well done.
Also, your post about nannying cracked me up. I was a nanny for about three years, though only a couple days a week. I can't IMAGINE your current schedule, but I can totally relate to your constant panic about whether they're dead/in a lawnmower or not. And I was a complete lazy bum every time I was there. It's amazing I found a job considering my lack of energy.
Hahah, I remember once watching these two little girls and being so happy that for once, the uh, let's call her the more curious one, couldn't mess with anything. We were getting into the elevator with the custodian of my building. But low and behold, a red button at four year old eye level on the pannel that I had honestly never noticed was pressed hard twice before I could stop her. Yeah, it was almost as rewarding as finding that huge rack of lamb. Oh the strategy...
So in my attempt to relate what you were saying to something else - there is this smartphone app called prose with bros (or similar, possibly with the wrong spelling). Essentially you get a series of words (like that fridge magnet game) and you have to come up with a funny poem and compete with a friend, and other people vote on which person's was better. It's kind of ok/amusing!
When I was a little person I used to fake sick so I could stay home to watch supermarket sweep! That right thur is a horrible and true fact! WOW! And I want to relate what I said to something else... I gave you an award! I assume, being all kinds of Blog-awesome that you receive these things on the daily BUT I wanted my two cents! I think you are such a good force in the blogging community and I like that you make this little world go around. You are rad! Have a look at your prize... it's not shiny... but it is kind of cool...
http://skylarkingnanny.blogspot.fr/2012/04/award-pour-moi-mon-dieu.html
Love Elle xo
"Vegimighty."
I'll pitch it to B&J for you. ;)
AHHH. THANK YOU. I acutally caught it on a re-read on my cell phone, but then forgot to come back and fix it. I do that ALL THE TIME. Thanks again. :)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who strategized. Also, I was way faster on all the trivia questions too. It always surprised me how dumb adults were. ;)
You have good taste, ma'am.
See? It's a show that appeals to all ages and the masses. Or something.
Always start in meat. Always.
Was that really a thing?! I've never seen the kids version and if it does in fact exist, than I'm sad I was deprived the joy of watching it.
Thank you. 1, b, cat and I have a long history. He's like an old friend.
I'm glad my panic is normal. I mean, at least you were panicky too. As long as there are two of us it's normal enough!
The 8-month old is like a hawk. She spots EVERYTHING EVER on the floor and wants to put it in her mouth. Kid vision is special. Made for mischief.
PROSE WITH BROS. LOL.
That name alone is genius.
That's pretty awesome. Really, really awesome. But Supermarket Sweep was that good, really, that sometimes you just HAD to watch it.
And THANK YOU. It's fun that you think I get a ton of awards. LOL. I appreciate it so much. I gave you a shout out in today's post and I'll do the stuff I'm supposed to on Monday.
You rock forever.
I believe I could rival your mother on price knowledge. And I'm not even a mother. Does that say good or bad things about me? I also just drop things into the cart (wherever I am, be it grocery story or otherwise) and am like you and think, "How much did I just spend??". I think the reason I'm price-savvy is because I scrutinize my receipt, trying to understand how all of my items added up to $400.
Oh god, please don't.
Holy crap. I totally remember watching Supermarket Sweep when I was a kid. I don't know if it was a live show or if they were reruns, but I watched this. A lot. And I was wildly entertained.
I've become a price shopper lately. For the first time in my life I've found myself comparing the prices and numbers to find the merits of buying in bulk (or buying generic brands). There are certain compromises I won't make. Nobody makes a Pop-Tart like Kellogg's. But peanut butter? It all tastes the same. Now, Nutella...there are simply no substitutes. Mmm, Nutella. Can you tell I'm reading this around lunchtime? Anyway, I hope something works out for you in your job search very soon!
~Shane
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