I mean, it isn't anyone's fault, but in the past, concerts have just never worked out well for the late party girls. Our tastes in music are too different. If you hop in Penny's car, there will probably be country music playing. Roxanne will Lady Gaga your face off. My music has been described as "weird shit dot com."
Oh, and occasionally Rox and Pen will both listen to music that makes you want to, ahem, "drop it like it's hot" and etc.
It doesn't matter. We convince each other and beg each other to visit concerts for artists the others have barely heard of.
Vye and Penny: OKAY!
At the actual concert: UGH, get us out of here!! Let's go eat some foooood!
Before you start blaming Vyelit and Penny for thinking with their inner fat girls, let me explain what happened: the worst. band. ever.
Think of the worst band you've ever heard. Now imagine if that band's lead singer was bitten by a baby jaguar, infected with it's baby jaguar growling, and now, all they can do is play three guitar cords really fast and really loud and gurgle like baby jaguars. THAT was the opening act.
I thought at first, "hey maybe I'm being harsh. Maybe I'm being my awful, judgy, Lorraine self." Then, I heard the guy next to me scream, "This is what my nightmares sound like!" and I knew that, yes, this was actually real life. This was actually happening.
Other highlights heard from the audience while this band was playing: "I'd rather chop off my own balls." "I'm sorry. We've all died and gone to hell." "OMG LET'S JUST GO GET FOOD." (That was Vyelit.) "I'm too old for this!" (That was Penny.)
The next band kind of sucked too, but I think it's because the first band ruined music for me. Even when Sleigh Bells came out, and of course rocked everyone's faces off, I left the concert thinking, "what the heck was that first band doing?!"
We thought we would hang around downtown after the concert was over, but it was COLD. I mean, Florida cold, so like in the 40's, I guess. Plus, Vye had a headache she blamed on the baby (?) and Penny was hungry and I was sleepy. Jesus, we are old.
Anyhow, long story short, we ended up at a McDonalds drive-thru, because somehow in the wee hours of the morning, THAT seemed like an awesome idea. The guy at the window was like 7 years old and kind of ditzy. Between us, there was a lot of confusion and I ended up driving away without grabbing back my check card. As I rounded the corner, I heard him yell, "YOUNG LADY!"
Aaaaand I lost it. I died laughing.
"Seriously," Penny side eyed me. "The highlight of your entire night was someone calling you young lady?"
Hope you all had wonderful, baby-jaguar-less weekends.
29 comments:
What was this opening act so I can make sure to avoid them?
Like Ginny, I would love to know the name of this opening act. They probably have a website somewhere, somehow, and I'd love to hear the jaguar growling horribleness firsthand.
(Where I live, it's currently 28 degrees but 'feels like' 18. I'm so jelly).~Shane
I left the name of the band out on purpose because I felt a little bad about calling them baby jaguars. But, I should've figured that you all would be curious. I think this is them, even though, I cannot begin to describe how much worse this was live.
http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=55284773&ac=now
I added a link in the comments. I'm curious to know what you think, though I would not wish their live performance on you, or anyone.
JELLY OF 40'S? Oooookay fine. I'll just be over here huddled around my candle.
I commented with a link to the band's music.
Sounds worse live? I can't imagine anything quite as bad as that. Their music overpowered the singer's screaming, so if they sound that bad after studio polish I'm sure their live performance was infinitely more horrible.
There are some people who would deliberately listen to music you can describe as "what nightmares sound like"
I know it. I mean, someone out there told this band they have what it takes. I just wanted to let everyone know that it reminded me of baby jaguars. Nothing against those that listen to nightmare music while awake. ;)
I hear ya on the Florida-cold weather. I'm currently nursing a runny nose with some café cubano. --.--
Omg, I just laughed until my belly hurt. Thank you. This post was exactly what I needed after a day like today and exactly why I love you. "Young Lady,"
"This is what my nightmares sound like!" --> Freakin' gold!
Hmm... I think my comment just got deleted?? =( Let me know if this appears twice.
My comment went something like:
Thank you so much for this. It was exactly what I needed today and exactly why I love you. Seriously, gold!
=( I give up. My comments keep getting deleted? Let me know if I am just imagining this!
Argh! Now that one shows up!
Okay so, my comment went something like:
Thank you so much for this. It was exactly what I needed today and exactly why I love you. Seriously, gold!=)
Phew, no idea why your blog hates me today.
Hey, if nothing else, at least you got a story out of it! Sure, you may have wanted to stab yourself in the ears with a blunt object to make the horrible sound go away. But our entertainment is what really matters. Right?? ;)
This is kind of off topic and pointless, but it amused me so I'm going to share it with you. On Friday night, my brother went out for "after work" drinks. Somehow, "after work" morphed into "Crap, it's 11pm and I haven't had dinner." So he decided that they should all go to Lord of the Fries and get burgers and chips. (YES, I SAID CHIPS) Except he didn't realise that all their burgers are made with meat substitute. So my brother (the biggest carnivore on the planet after T. rex) ate a tofu burger, realised half way through and went "If I'd known, I would have gotten a real burger. FROM MCDONALD'S!!" I laughed hysterically for very little reason.
I miss your face <3
This story made me laugh so much! That band must have been so terrible if people were willing to scream out things like that. It actually kind of makes me curious to hear what they're like though.
Oh I see in earlier comments you posted the link (guess I should have looked there first!) - it does seem quite nightmarish, and good call on the baby-jaguar-ness.
I need someone to call me young lady - the highlight of my Friday was getting home after a night out and having toast and hot chocolate, and the highlight of my Saturday was getting ID'd. "REALLY? YOU THINK I'M EIGHTEEN?!" (said with scorn but on the inside doing a happy dance).
I am feeling seriously ancient these days..
Haha! I can vouch for your friend, babies totally give you headaches, even when they're still in your body. Also, McD's always SEEMS like a great idea late at night! I'll take young lady over ma'am any day!!!
Her "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" book also confirms that the baby headaches are normal. I'm thinking the Nightmare Band didn't help.
The late night McDs didn't kill me!! So, that was a pretty good idea.
HOT CHOCOLATE IS ALWAYS A HIGHLIGHT.
I used to be all, "GOSH, why am I being carded for this R movie?!" and now I'm excited when someone calls me young lady. Awesome.
Thanks! I was actually pretty proud of that analogy, and Penny helped though she prefered baby leopard because we saw some recently at the zoo. Anyways. Gurgling animals sounds is the point.
I don't know either! Sorry. :(
But I'm glad this comment finally showed up because I was thinking, "aw man. Maybe that post was a little mean." BUT. If it made you laugh it was totally worth it. ;)
This morning wasn't as bad!! Seems we're warming up again which I will gladly take. Uh, and I'll still drink the cafe cubano too...
I've never been to a concert where the people made comments about the music. That's bad. Years ago I saw Destiny Child and Sean Paul...except there were like 5 opening bands. Seriously? People were booing not because the music was bad, but because nobody wants to see 5 opening bands.
After 3 Destiny's Child songs, we left. And we felt old, Young Lady.
Young lady... that's a good one. My legal accounting teacher calls everyone ma'am. It drives me crazy! Not because it makes me feel old, it's just so damn annoying that everytime he addresses a female he says ma'am. Sorry the concert was disappointing. =[
"This is what my nightmares sound like!" bwahhahahaha that is hilarious.
God, "young lady" is SO much better than "ma'am" -- which maybe doesn't MEAN a person is old (me), but it makes a person FEEL old (me)
Lor, you are going to call me stupid.
But I thought you had disabled comments on LTTP and then I actually clicked on an individual entry.
I am now ashamed.
You are still awesome and I would love to go to both lame concerts AND fun concerts with you.
My bestie loves country music and (awkward moment for her) nickelback. I am more of the weird shit dot com variety. Our car rides usually go like this - Friend when my music is on "What is that supposed to BE? Are they singing? What IS this?" Me when she plays her music "..." **jumps out of the car and rolls away down the highway**
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