I know. You’re thinking, “this crazy is gone for a week and she comes back with a line from “The Lion King?!” Then I realized that if you skipped over the title of this post, you have no idea why I just said “Siiiimba.” Do you skip over post titles?
THEN I realized that if you’ve never even seen “The Lion King,” well maybe we can’t be friends.
…do I?”
So, I went back. All the way back to the first post and one by one I’ve been combing through the nearly 300 posts ever written on this blog.
HOLY. MOLY.
Want to know where I was for a week? Cowering in SHAME. The sort of shame you feel in your core when someone breaks out the home videos, or if you come across that one diary from middle school that includes the time you went to a church camp in Pennsylvania and fell in total heart with a cute boy who lived in New Jersey, who you would later sneak long distance phone calls to. I’m pretty sure that was just me, but I hope you understand the sentiment.
Let me clarify: there was a point in time where most of my posts followed this basic pattern-
Today I feel _________________.
Now let me summarize some of those posts for you: sad. Happy. Sad. Sad. Happy. Meh. Happy. Meh. Sad. Mad. Mad. Sad. Happy. HAPPY. Meh. Sad. So sad.
Granted there were days even weeks between posts, but re-riding Lorraine’s Emotional Roller Coaster, aka 2009/2010 was exhausting. I quit somewhere in 2010 and figured that if anyone dared go back and read that stuff, they deserved to know whatever they wanted.
In all honesty, though, after the great and terrible shame had passed, I felt a little proud. It’s the kind of pride that punctuates the realization that yes, I once sucked, but I’ve made progress. And despite however I feel about all of those posts, it isn't even that Then Lorraine was that bad. It's just hard to look back and remember. I mean, we're meant to change. We're meant to look back and see better in hindsight. I know I'd feel worse if that weren't true for me.
Now that I've brought up the past, looking back and, um, camp I can bring this up: Bug Juice. It aired on the Disney Channel in the late 90’s and followed a group of tweens at sleep-away camp for the summer and YES, episodes are on YouTube. Apparently, I’m ashamed of discussing my emotions, but not of admitting to spending time watching an almost 14 year old kiddie reality show. Just so we’re clear.
Also not ashamed to say I wanted to be on this show like woah.
Also, also not ashamed to admit that I lightly stalked some of those campers via the Internet. Turns out, they mostly turned out to be really normal, off the grid sort of people. Now, imagine if you will, you are approaching 30, and your equivalent of that one diary you had in middle school is a televised show where you chase after boys, are afraid to swim in the lake and say, “girl power” a lot.
I KNOW, RIGHT. YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF ALREADY.
You’re welcome.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have the theme song to Bug Juice stuck in my head all day.
Bug juice, it doesn’t come in a jar
Bug juice comes from who you are
It has the flavor of what you can becooooome.
Wait... what the hell?
47 comments:
I find it insanely amazing, odd-creepy, awesome, wonderful, and thrilling that you have my next tattoo posted as a picture. I saw little Simba weeks and was like YESSS!!!
I was totally going to sing the theme song to you... and then you posted the lyrics which I'm going to assume you sang it as you typed.
I'm now gonna have James Earl Jones saying "Siiiimbaaaaa" in my head all day long. Thanks. :P
Also. I never really watched Bug Juice but I had a similar kind of moment last year with Legends of the Hidden Temple. They used that theme for an event at my school and so my partner and I went on YouTube and found lots of old episodes and watched them. It was awesomeeeee and I totally approve of spending hours watching Bug Juice on YouTube. I feel like watching old shows we watched as kids in YouTube is good for the soul somehow.
Loved that show! Totally wanted to be on it, totally glad I wasn't so that I'm not internet stalker prety now. No one needs to see 13-year-old Meg!
I only watched one episode of Bug Juice, and all I remember is that these two girls got kicked out of camp for having something (they never said what) that was forbidden, and everybody was crying and acting like they had died or something. You happen to know where those girls (Eve and Jen, I think) are now?
Eve and Jen are what I remember most about Bug Juice, even though they were the third and last season. I almost mentioned them in the post, so I'm really glad you brought it up. All of my Internet stalking has been inconclusive. Disney cited them having some sort of contraband material, so the guesses have been the basics: cigarettes, condoms or marijuana. But those are just guesses.
The one other theory I've seen repeatedly is that they actually got kicked off for bullying some of the younger campers. But that just goes against the statement Disney made.
So. This is one of those "the world may never know" things.
There's no living it down. I mean, maybe you think there might be, but somewhere, out in the Internet, a group of bloggers are now talking about your awkward pre-teen moments.
That's exactly what I wanted to happen when I wrote Simba that way, because it is AWESOME.
LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE. They have t-shirts of the team names that you can buy like blue baracudas and etc. I know this because I actively want one.
Thank you childhood TV!
OF COURSE! I actually sang the entire song, but I only typed the beginning because I like to keep my readers. ;)
AWESOME! I found that on tumblr when I searched for Simba and thought it was adorable. :)
I don't tell any of my friends in real life about my blog, and I'm STILL embarrassed by some of my posts--especially the ones from when I was dating. But they're a good reminder of where I've been. I'm just glad I'm not there anymore!
Even though I grew up in the 90's I don't really remember that show. Maybe they never had it here. But it is important to remember who you are, and where you came from.
That show made my life. I was obsessed! I did get to go to overnight camp though but it was all girls! Booo (still fun)
Did I watch Bug Juice?? Anyone who hasn't should be banned forever from your blog. Also, Hey Dude and Salute Your Shorts. Camp Anawana- we hold you in our hearts...
Of course, I have seen the Lion King,...but it has been so long ago I barely remember these references. I just remember Simba got banished from the kingdom for some reason that was totally bogus, and there was lots of Elton John music. But anyway "sad. Happy. Sad. Sad. Happy. Meh. Happy. Meh. Sad. Mad. Mad. Sad. Happy. HAPPY." I believe you are using the same formula Daxflame used in the making of his youtube videos,...but you probably don't know who that is.
Do you know what bothers me about this post?
I think I remember Bug Juice but I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I actually remember it or if I think I remember it because you're talking about it. DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING THIS IS!?
Oh man, some of my early posts make me cringe.
But it's fun when you go through old ones and stumble on a line you're particularly proud of.
Oh jeez. Reading old blog posts (like, REALLY old blog posts) never leads anywhere good. My early ones are all "Canberra sucks" and "Wah, it's raining all the time". LAME.
I've never seen Bug Juice. But I suspect that's because the only reality TV we got in the late 90s was Survivor. It could also be because I'm old and was in the latter part of high school when it aired...
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to move The Lion King to the top of my Quickflix queue because I haven't seen it in a bazillion years.
I miss your face <3
You know what makes me really sad? Knowing none of you guys ever got to revel in the lunacy of Zig & Zag, the characters off Ireland's version of the Disney Channel.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY364HPFyDU
You had your fancy awesome shows with big budgets and special effects, we had insane puppets with no script and the occasional inappropriate joke.
By the way the turkey is called Dustin. Dustin the Turkey. He represented us in the Eurovision Song Contest in 2008 because obviously we have no shame and fuck it, might as well send a turkey puppet and take the piss out of the whole thing. http://youtu.be/-n--JnAwirk
WARNING: That video is the worst thing you will have EVER seen. Have a bleach bottle at the ready.
Lol, I am pretty sure most of us would feel the same way if we combed through our old blog posts. I have almost 700 posts under my belt, but the majority of the old ones are private because I used to be way stupid about sharing too much identifying info on the Internets. It happens. In any case, I still think you should be super proud of your blog. It rocks!
And yes, Bug Juice!!
I didn't have the Disney Channel in the late '90s, so that reference flew over my head. I have, however, been through moments in which I re-watched episodes of "Recess" via Youtube. :)
I love you. For transitioning so smoothly from Bug Juice to Lion King, with a diary and shame in the middle... but really. I love you.
Yes, I definitely think that everyone improves as there blog moves on - I keep most of my early posts (about 300 of them) hidden from the public for that very reason. :)
Yeah, I had a look back at my 2010/11 posts and still found things that were a bit painful but after contemplating deleting them all, I guess it's a part of the history isn't it? Beauty from the ashes :).
Amen to that. The relationship posts are particularly hard to swallow but live and learn, time heals wounds, cliche, cliche, etc. ;)
You missed a classic piece of childhood. Not really, but it was pretty awkwardly entertaining.
ALL GIRLS? I mean, still a step up from no camp at all, but it's almost completely missing the point if you can't date some dude for three weeks, right? At least that's what Bug Juice taught me.
We should start a four week sleep-a-way blogger camp for adults who are totally well adjusted! *cough*
You remember the two keys to The Lion King, so you're doing well! There isn't a whole lot of "plot" but there is a whoooole lot of singing.
I read, "Daxflame" and thought, "of course I know who that is!" And then I went to youtube so I knownow that I vaguely know who he is. I found him a long time ago through LisaNova but never really was a fan.
The only way to fix that is to go and spend some time watching episodes. Either you'll confirm that you do indeed remember it or you will be introduced to it's magic. Plan B is always distract yourself with something shiny.
I'll be sure to let everyone I know, everyone, know if I stuble across some genius. That's not the type of stuff you keep to yourself.
WOW YOU'RE OLD! ;)
I'm totally kidding. A sucky place to live and rain are to legit reasons to complain. Complaints in hindsight though are so gross. What can you do?
What are the chances that you'd come to the 20sb thing this year if they did it again? Your face is also missed.
OH MY. I clicked that link and watched for a minute and my head started to hurt. They were all talking over each other and... wow.
I mean, I wouldn't call Bug Juice fancy, but... wow.
HARLEY. YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH HORRIBLE VIDEOS. WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT. THERE WERE BACK-UP TURKEY DANCERS. WHY DIDN'T I GRAB THAT BLEACH BOTTLE LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO.
I need to lie down.
700 posts!! Woah. I imagine going back and reading those would take some time.
And thank you. :)
Have you ever seen the live action Recess opening on YouTube? Holy crap, now that I think of it, I watched this video and it was done by a bunch of kids at camp and THAT'S why I started thinking about camp and feeling all nostalgic and THAT'S why I searched for Bug Juice. Coool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4H97Vl-Zu0
I love you for thinking that was a smooth transition.
I'm really happy to know that I'm not the only one who feels a little-early-post-shame. :)
Yep, there was definitely a bit of pain mixed in those posts. It all feels so far away now that it seems silly, you know. I mean, I don't ever want to forget that I was there and the lessons I learned, that we learned, buuuut looking back isn't easy.
*hugs*
Ha! This is why I refuse to read old posts of mine. And YAAAAAAY LION KING!
Unfortunately, the chances of me coming to a 20SB event this year are negative a billion. Unless it's held in Melbourne and everyone flies into see me. Because I'm insanely poor and have just applied to go back to university for MORE post-grad study, which will inevitably make me even MORE poor. EPIC SAD FACE.
But I did vlog yesterday so...there's that. <3
I strongly suggest you go back to where I began, and you'll find the reverse. Seriously. I genuinely had some funny/insightful posts to begin with, and now I feel shame at the current state of my cyber home...
It's been great getting to know you. Your writing has consistently been cute as a bug's ear :)
I would love to go back and fix the SEO in my beginning posts, but I'm afraid to read my writing haha!
At least you had the courage to go through your old posts. I tried reading my old posts but it made me want to delete everything I wrote. And when someone comments on one of my old posts, I would try to read the post again but I never finish it. Because of shame. Like, "I wrote this?" Soooo yeah.
I feel the same about reading the comments I made in the past. You know, blog comments. Haha! Facepalming never helped me. Not that it's supposed to make me feel better but...
I should shut up.
P.S. I love Lion King. Mufasa's death kind of ruined my childhood, though.
It's the circle of liiiiiiiiiife! I always read the post titles.
I love this post! It's really funny. I know how you feel about looking back at old writings and being embarrassed. I think we all go through that at some point. If not, then our writing hasn't improved! And I think that would be worse.
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