I know. You’re thinking, “this crazy is gone for a week and she comes back with a line from “The Lion King?!” Then I realized that if you skipped over the title of this post, you have no idea why I just said “Siiiimba.” Do you skip over post titles?
THEN I realized that if you’ve never even seen “The Lion King,” well maybe we can’t be friends.
So, I went back. All the way back to the first post and one by one I’ve been combing through the nearly 300 posts ever written on this blog.
Want to know where I was for a week? Cowering in SHAME. The sort of shame you feel in your core when someone breaks out the home videos, or if you come across that one diary from middle school that includes the time you went to a church camp in Pennsylvania and fell in total heart with a cute boy who lived in New Jersey, who you would later sneak long distance phone calls to. I’m pretty sure that was just me, but I hope you understand the sentiment.
Let me clarify: there was a point in time where most of my posts followed this basic pattern-
Today I feel _________________.
Now let me summarize some of those posts for you: sad. Happy. Sad. Sad. Happy. Meh. Happy. Meh. Sad. Mad. Mad. Sad. Happy. HAPPY. Meh. Sad. So sad.
Granted there were days even weeks between posts, but re-riding Lorraine’s Emotional Roller Coaster, aka 2009/2010 was exhausting. I quit somewhere in 2010 and figured that if anyone dared go back and read that stuff, they deserved to know whatever they wanted.
In all honesty, though, after the great and terrible shame had passed, I felt a little proud. It’s the kind of pride that punctuates the realization that yes, I once sucked, but I’ve made progress. And despite however I feel about all of those posts, it isn't even that Then Lorraine was that bad. It's just hard to look back and remember. I mean, we're meant to change. We're meant to look back and see better in hindsight. I know I'd feel worse if that weren't true for me.
Now that I've brought up the past, looking back and, um, camp I can bring this up: Bug Juice.
Someone please tell me you remember this show.
It aired on the Disney Channel in the late 90’s and followed a group of tweens at sleep-away camp for the summer and YES, episodes are on YouTube. Apparently, I’m ashamed of discussing my emotions, but not of admitting to spending time watching an almost 14 year old kiddie reality show. Just so we’re clear.
Also not ashamed to say I wanted to be on this show like woah.
Also, also not ashamed to admit that I lightly stalked some of those campers via the Internet. Turns out, they mostly turned out to be really normal, off the grid sort of people. Now, imagine if you will, you are approaching 30, and your equivalent of that one diary you had in middle school is a televised show where you chase after boys, are afraid to swim in the lake and say, “girl power” a lot.
I KNOW, RIGHT. YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF ALREADY.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have the theme song to Bug Juice stuck in my head all day.
Bug juice, it doesn’t come in a jar
Bug juice comes from who you are
It has the flavor of what you can becooooome.
Wait... what the hell?