Lorraine Says: The Office LOL

My typical mid-morning coffee sipping and huddling around my Bahama Breeze candle in my Arctic office is today interrupted by a grown-ass-woman-tantrum.

Oh, I am not proud of this, my dear readers, but the tantrum is bubbling up inside of me, crying and wailing, kicking and screaming, embarrassing itself and everyone who witnesses it.

Thankfully, no one is hear to witness it. Sadly, I just confessed it to the Internet. So it goes.

See, at this moment,


I should've been checking in my luggage and waiting excitedly with Vyelit, Penny and Roxanne at the Fort Lauderdale International Airport. I would've probably been freaking out. I don't do well on planes. I start shaking my hands or bouncing my leg- anything to expend a little bit of the nervous tension coursing through my body. We should've been there, about to meet Sara and Nugs and spend way too much money on just a weekend, but one we would never, ever forget.

Instead, I'm here, sitting on my knees on my rolley chair because that's the best way to get the most spin. And I'm spinning and spinning in between typing while I complain to no one in particular that I want to go to New Orleans*.

It's probably this combination of hyper and restless and slightly disappointed that has my brain working overtime, thinking about everything and nothing at all. I seriously considered the sound "fo!" for like 20 solid minutes.

I was walking back from Starbucks with my co-worker Burt Gordon. As we passed a trash can, he pinched his nose and said, "fo!" It stuck with me as I settled back at my desk. Is that noise a distinctly Hispanic thing? A Caribbean thing? Does anyone else say "fo!" when something smells bad?

I thought of sniffing my little nieces feet and scrunching my face and saying, "fo!" She always giggles, like stinky feet are the most entertaining thing in the world.

I lamented to a friend about not being able to go to NOLA and asked her about "fo!" She promptly asked me WTF that was and who the heck says it. Seriously, anyone? Anyone?

She then left me because she was moving offices at work. She told me that she was moving closer to the rest of her team except one lady she said they purposefully kept far away from everyone else, because she drove everyone nuts. "She's the office LOL," my friend said. "People say things like, "we'll put you in an office with her," and everyone laughs and laughs.

I have an Office LOL where I work too. I previously named her Cooookie, because that is what she insists on calling everyone. She's in her 60's but she wears 4 inch, crazy patterned heels every day. She's loud and likes to give hugs when no one's asked for them. She danced on a table at the company picnic. She was wearing see-through, white pants. We threaten each other around here with, "Stop it or else I'm gonna tell Cooookie you wanted to talk to her." We are all properly chastised by that.

"Do you think every office has an Office LOL?"

"I am suddenly convinced that they do," I replied.

So, how about it? Have you ever, in the past or present, worked with an OffLOL. Please entertain me with your tales so that I may recover from my deep, deep sadness.

I like all of your faces,

*We planned this little trip a few months back, but I backed out after I got the news about Vyelit. She wasn't going on the trip anymore, and going without her felt weird. One of the things she said mid-panic after telling us that she was having a baby was that she would have to sit out all the vacations we'd planned for 2012. In the single sentence she seemed to be mourning her carefree days and the money she once only had to spend on herself.

In that haze of emotion and sisterly solidarity, thinking of the many purchases that precede a baby and how much I wanted to help, I backed out of the upcoming trip. I can't say that I regret the decision. Things have gotten better, though there are still days when I get home to the sound of muffled voices and unmistakable crying. But every day it gets easier. 


I'll take a vacation soon.