I pulled into my driveway about 20 minutes ago, parked and sat in the car for a while trying to remember how I'd gotten home. I mean, I know I drove, but the entire seven minute drive was lost to me.
I'm dead on my feet. I'd make a reference to zombies or vampires, but today I tweeted about vampires in the sun and my lovely friends tweeted me back about sparkling.
NO NOT SPARKLING. JEEZ. Thank you Stephanie Meyer for making sure that is no longer an acceptable analogy for pain and destruction. Freakin' sparkling. Then again... "sparkling" could be the new term for "in great pain."
"I stubbed my toe and I was sparkling, yo."
Lorraine Says: However.
"The sign said 'no turn on red' so I stopped and the lady behind me just started honking and honking. I was so peesed off. So I got out of my car..."
Laughter filled the lunch room.
"Jefa, you did NOT."
"Oh, yes I did. I got out of my car at the red light. I hate when people honk at me. I yelled, 'do you see the sign? DO YOU SEE IT?'"
Jefa acted the rest of the story out, including the part where she yelled, "and your mom's the bitch!" At five feet tall and almost 60 years old, it was a story you wouldn't expect from her.
It started a lunch time conversation about pet peeves and things we hate. Things I often describe as "irritating my liver."
I was dying to share a lately discovered irritant, but I knew I couldn't. Mostly because the explanation would start with, "You know, on the Internet how..."
Laughter filled the lunch room.
"Jefa, you did NOT."
"Oh, yes I did. I got out of my car at the red light. I hate when people honk at me. I yelled, 'do you see the sign? DO YOU SEE IT?'"
Jefa acted the rest of the story out, including the part where she yelled, "and your mom's the bitch!" At five feet tall and almost 60 years old, it was a story you wouldn't expect from her.
It started a lunch time conversation about pet peeves and things we hate. Things I often describe as "irritating my liver."
I was dying to share a lately discovered irritant, but I knew I couldn't. Mostly because the explanation would start with, "You know, on the Internet how..."
Lorraine Says: Pinch It!
So, in case you hadn't heard, I like sports.
Not to play them or anything because that's sweaty and gross. I do, however, like to watch them. Even sports I don't particularly like, I can appreciate watching live. There is something to be said about the electric nature of a crowd cheering in unison. Something I'm not going to say, though, because that's about as eloquent as I can be on the subject.
When the Olympics roll around? Oh, God. I'm all about them. I would watch Organized Puppy Throwing if it ever became an Olympic Sport. No lie. That's supposed to convince you that I really like big sporting events, not that I'm a horrible human being.
Not to play them or anything because that's sweaty and gross. I do, however, like to watch them. Even sports I don't particularly like, I can appreciate watching live. There is something to be said about the electric nature of a crowd cheering in unison. Something I'm not going to say, though, because that's about as eloquent as I can be on the subject.
When the Olympics roll around? Oh, God. I'm all about them. I would watch Organized Puppy Throwing if it ever became an Olympic Sport. No lie. That's supposed to convince you that I really like big sporting events, not that I'm a horrible human being.
Lorraine Says: When I Say It's Time to Go
I often fool myself into believing that if I tell you guys about things I plan on doing, I will hold myself more responsible to them. I've actually planned a whole post where I go through all of my old writing and find all the things I've said "I'll tell you about that later" about and tell you about them. I'm kind of in love with how awful that last sentence is, but that's neither here nor there.
The point is that I'm going to tell you about some stuff I have to eventually tell you about: 1.) the hockey game I saw with Penny b.) the Dealing With Difficult People seminar I attended and cat.) why repeated consonants makes me want to destroy innocent things.
For today, though, a story about the fair.
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Go Party. It's Your Birthday.
Oh, come on. We've all done it before, right? That thing where we look in the mirror and decide, "wow. I look nice," but then we still ask others how we look just so we can hear it out loud? I mean, I've never done that, but I'm sure all the rest of you have.
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