Lorraine Says: Pinch It!

So, in case you hadn't heard, I like sports.

Not to play them or anything because that's sweaty and gross. I do, however, like to watch them. Even sports I don't particularly like, I can appreciate watching live. There is something to be said about the electric nature of a crowd cheering in unison. Something I'm not going to say, though, because that's about as eloquent as I can be on the subject.
When the Olympics roll around? Oh, God. I'm all about them. I would watch Organized Puppy Throwing if it ever became an Olympic Sport. No lie. That's supposed to convince you that I really like big sporting events, not that I'm a horrible human being.


I was a pretty bad baseball fan this past season. In fact, I'm pretty sure I stopped watching all together after Logan Morrison was demoted for over-tweeting. I regret not paying more attention. Now that we are stuck in the worst time of the year (aka between October and April) I'm sports deprived.

Enter: hockey.

Last week, Penny sent me an email that basically said, "hockey game?"

I had only been to one other hockey game before, also thanks to Penny. I was heard complaining that the fighting kept interrupting the game. I also ate all of the cookie I bought to share with Penny. We also lost her car.

Obviously, this was an experience I wanted to repeat. I emailed her back. "Sold."

For those of you who read LttP for a while, you know that Pen and I have the best luck when it comes to who we sit around during games. Who can forget Special Eduardo and ChewbaccaBannana?

Now, I know how hockey works, with the skating back and forth and the scoring and stuff. I don't know any technical terms, any technique and no one can explain to me why they just start fighting.

That all said, Penny and I sat in front of Mr. Motivational Commentator. You know the guy. After the first five minutes, and a few, oh, hundred "you can do it's," Penny and I looked at each other and shook our heads.

"Every time we see a game. Every time," Penny said.

"At least he doesn't have a cowbell?"

We laughed and kept watching the game. Well, I mean, we updated our statuses, Tweeted a little, Penny said she needed a hair cut because her hair covered her boobs completely (which she demonstrated) and then we remembered a game was going on.

And on Mr. Motivational went.

"Hey," Penny said giggling. "It gets funny if you just imagine everything he's saying is perverted!"

We waited in silence for a few seconds until Mr. Motivational started up again.

"Slam him!"

"Keep it away from there!"

"Get it in, get it in!"

On and on it went. I mean, you can judge us for basically being third graders, but it was pretty funny.
My personal favorite thing he said, though, was "pinch it." I'm not sure what the hell that means in terms of hockey, but I was yelling "PINCH IT!" at everything. We were tied for a better part of the game, which was making me really nervous. Penny made fun of me when, after a missed shot, I shouted, "fuckshit!" I'm sorry. It just came out.

Penny was all, "really? "fuck shit." That's a cheer now?" And then she started chanting "fuck! shit! win!"

We did not, however, win.

We did find our car at the end of the game and I did eat a cookie the size of my head. I'd say, over all, we pinched it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday before bed, the last thing I thought was, "damn. I hope I didn't to do anything this weekend." Because I didn't do it. I didn't do anything, except buy two nail polishes, a dress, some make-up and a skirt. Yep.

Hope you all had lovely weekends,