Lorraine Says: How Are You?

Guys, I'm sitting in bed with my work pants and a sports bra on because I started to change when I got home but then got too lazy to finish. 

Obviously I can't be bothered with an introduction. 

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Hi, this is usually where I tell you all about my awesome weekend: I had an awesome weekend. I mean, at this point, I can't remember specifically what caused it's awesome-osity. I went through my phone to spur my memory, because I'm a picture lover, but the best thing on there was the community nap Venus, Fetus, Vye and I took on Sunday afternoon.

Of course, I don't nap. So while I was all, "yeah, shove over, this'll be amazing," I actually spent the time playing Words with Friends and snapping pictures of them drooling. It was refreshing, obviously. 

Today, Sara Nipples and I were chatting while we were also doing totally responsible things like working really hard at work. She highlighted five whole names on a paper and I removed a wickedly rebellious staple. Anyways, we were talking about Erin because we had just finished watching her karaoke video which was amazing as always. We pretty much agreed that Erin is the coolest person ever and that we should probably force her to be our friend. 

Lor: We should take a trip to Fance and visit Erin
Sara: And after than we could even visit France!
Lor: Nah, not France. I don't wanna go there.
Sara: I hear it smells like a big toilet.
Lor: That extra r obviously drags the whole country down. 
Sara: I was playing trivia the other night and I learned that France is actually the number one country for vacations. 
...
Lor: Aw. You're a dork. 

Is that not the most adorable thing ever? Sara plays trivia and then she shares what she learns with other people! If she weren't already my friend, I would force her to be my friend too, because "getting to know someone" and "spending time with them" is overrated. Forcing! Forcing! Forcing!

Anyhow, I called her a dork. Now, I know what you guys are thinking again. "Gee, Lorraine. You, the epitome of cool, shouldn't really go around calling the lesser cool "dorks. Use your powers for good and not evil."

No? No?

Okay fine. Probably more like, "Hey Lor? You're a dork too."

This I know. Mostly because at the exact moment I was calling Sara names, I also had another window open where I was watching my second episode of "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" of the day. It's getting really good, because I'm in season two, and Clark and Lois are figuring out they like each other which means the Saxophones of Impending Sexy Time are working over time, and those are my favorite.

I really like Dean Cain. Is this allowed in the year 2011? I want 90's Dean Cain to show up at my doorstep, even if it is with that weird half mullet he rocked in the first season. 

Think he likes zebra cakes?

Also, today I decided that I really needed to have some chocolate covered almonds, so I bought a bag and had those as my one meal of the day. 

Also, my sister just came into my room and started saying something about how I was still in the same position she left me in (false) so I whipped my hair around and growled, "Didn't you see what I was doing when you came home?" Then she says, "hey, how come when you're mad you only blink one eye?" WTF. How is that something you ever tell an angry person when they are angry? That's like if I were to meet the Incredible Hulk and be all, "Hey Hulk! How come get all green and stupid when you are angry?"

Obviously, I'm not really following any train of thought here. What were we talking about? Being a cute dork or something? Now I'm just telling you stuff for the hell of it.

I had this friend in elementary school once who I suspected was a pathological liar. But I wanted to prove it. So, one day as we were lining up to leave the cafeteria, I made up a song on the spot and sang it to her. I really wish I could remember that song. I think when I make it to heaven, that'll be the first question I ask Jesus. Anyways, I made this song up and then I was all, "hey have you heard that song before?" and she said yes. -_- 

I told that story in chat today, too, in case you really wanted me to tie that into something. 

Speaking of awkward:

Things I Find Awkward #3 - Passing People in a Hallway

The hallways at my job are really long and narrow. I'm not usually the girl who walks with her head down, unless I have really pretty toe nail polish on and I want to admire it as I walk. JAYKAY. Maybe... These long hallways, though, are enough to make you want to constantly stare at your toes. Do you know how weird it is to be walking towards someone for a solid 30 seconds, having nowhere to avert your eyes? 

Most of the time, I smile at whoever is passing, but sometimes it's hard to get the timing down. If you smile too soon, then you have to hold the smile for a long time, until you actually cross them. Or you have to smile and then look somewhere else, like "oh look at that interesting fire sprinkler on the ceiling."

The worst, however, is when someone wants to start, "passing you in the hall" conversation. "Hi," I chirp. "Hi Lor! How are you?" AND THEN THEY KEEP WALKING PAST ME. Hey, jumbodouche, why would you ask me how I'm doing and then keep walking? Obviously 1.) you hate me b.) you don't understand the concept of a question or cat.) "how are you?" has completely lost its meaning in this day and age. Like love. Deep, I know.

My solution is of course to never ask anyone how they are. 

Wait, that wasn't the worst. The real worst is when is someone is all, "hey" and you smile all, "hey girl!" and you realize that someone is behind you and you weren't being addressed. There is no graceful way to recover from that.

I have co-worker who always walks with a bottle of water. If you even try to say hello she takes a swig of water all, "Oh, sorry can't greet you. I'm busy hydrating my body." She's clearly a genius.

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I would apologize for the rant-y nature of this post, and how disjointed I obviously am, but I kind of like this post. Just the same way you can't help but like a three-legged dog.