Lorraine Says . Working Corners

Guys, I put my phone between my legs when I'm driving.

If that sounds like a confession, it's because it probably is. See, I was writing an introductory vignette about how I was driving to work this morning, "when my phone started to vibrate between my legs..." and well, I felt that perhaps I would open with that confession instead.

Last year, when we went to visit Bret in Orlando, I was driving of course and we got a little turned around. We'd made it into his community but I wasn't sure where to go from there. I'd sent Bret a text message, or a million, but he wasn't responding, so I picked up my phone and glanced at the screen.

"Oh duh guys," I announced to Roxanne and Penny. "I don't get signal between my legs."

I'm not sure I've lived that one down yet.

On a separate occasion, I was driving with Vyelit. I had to stop short because of some Douchey McDouche Pants who was driving in front of me. As I slammed the brakes, I grabbed my phone to make sure it didn't go flying.

There was a few seconds of silence.

"Hey Lor?" Vyelit asked tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you grab your vag when you thought we were gonna die?"

"NO! NOT MY VAGINA. MY PHONE."

I'm not sure if my explanation made it better or worse.

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When I left my house this morning, I sighed a 'thank you Lord' when I realized it wasn't raining anymore. The ground was still a bit wet and the sky was gray and murky. It was all evidence of the full day of thunderstorms we suffered through, but thankfully, it was over for the time being. I hate driving in the rain.

Lately, my life has been a little foreign. I probably wouldn't recognize it if I were asked to pick it out of a line-up. The good things have been amazing but at the other end of it, I've felt like there are so many things that I need to address that I can't. And then, there are moments when I feel a bit taken for granted. Isn't that the worst feeling in the world? I was lost in all these thoughts as I drove to work, though I'm blaming it mostly on the overcast sky.

I was so lost, in fact, that I jumped when I felt my phone vibrate and chirp from between my legs. I glanced at the screen: another Facebook notification. I giggled to myself. I was in the middle of a lengthy Facebook thread with Penny, Ting Ting and Vye.

Ting Ting and Vyelit, and Venus and Fetus for that matter, are so unlike me. We are the friends that don't make sense. Ting and I were thrown together first through church and then when I helped her get a job where I was working.

Venus and Fetus, though not technically family, have been connected to my family since forever. When their father passed aways some years ago, they moved from New York to south Florida, where they could be nearer to their family. And, indirectly, to my family. Then I got Venus a job too.

For almost a year and a half, Venus, Ting, Vye and I worked together at Velveeta Crap Watches. We spent the work day sending mass emails. We spent our breaks together in the lunchroom watching Telenovelas. We saw each other at church. We hung out on the weekends. We often got yelled at often for laughing too much.

Actually, for a while, we started counting how many days in a row we saw each other. We were up to 72 consecutive days before we got tired of counting. We are not very much alike, the lot of us, but those girls are my family, really. And I would do anything for them.

I thought about all this, as I scrolled through the 70 comment thread, and laughed again at Ting and Vye's off kilter humor. And then I realized that I'd been doing to them what I hated so much: taking them for granted. Luckily for me, I didn't even get one, "where have you been," comment this weekend, as I spent most of it with them. It was as if nothing was out of the ordinary, and we were just once again piled into my car, laughing, singing and dancing.

Friday was Pistene, my cousin's birthday. We would be busy on Saturday dress shopping for her wedding, so she decided she just wanted to have dinner with us.

It was really nice to catch up with them. By the end of the night, and after we ate our weight in fried rice and I'd made some of the girls taste sushi, we were feeling terribly silly.

Seriously. We laugh THAT LOUD all the time.

We drove back to my house only to decide we weren't really done with the night. We all went to Venus' house, piled on her bed and started to watch movies. AKA nap. It was nearly 3am when we decided we should probably just sleep at our own houses.

On Saturday, we went bridesmaid's dress shopping. Want to know what's really depressing? Bridesmaid's dress shopping. First of all, my little cousin is getting married. The girl I used to bully into being Sailor Mercury, because Bubbles was a lame power, and I of course, had to be Sailor Moon. The girl who taught  me how to play "poker," but really taught me some game where she won every hand. The girl we call Pistene is getting married.

Secondly, who the fudge is making these dresses and why are they all built to be the worst looking things ever? Also, who is running these shops?

"Hi, can we try on this style?"

"Sure, we have sizes 2 and 24 available to try on."

Oh. Perfect, great. I either have to squeeze into a 2 or drown in a 24. This will not be damaging to my body image at all.

Also, there are 7 girls in the wedding party, a party I've dubbed BOOBS. To put it in perspective I have the third SMALLEST boobs. ME. My favorite fitting room cry of, "too many boobs!" was in full force during our little trip.

Venus: I like that dress. You look sexy!

Lor: OF COURSE I DO. ALL OF MY BOOBS ARE OUT.

*whole store turns and looks*

Lor: Dammit.

On Sunday, Venus and Fetus ate at our family dinner. We decided, that instead of sticking around for dessert, coffee and gossip, we would head to the beach. 89% of the time when I go to the beach, I don't actually get very far in the water. Salt water is kind of gross, I can't swim and well, it's scary. This day, however, Venus convinced me that we should be brave.

The water was pretty shallow, but violent. Seriously, I think my workout for the entire week was trying to remain standing while the waves threw little bitty me around. Venus sort of stood by and laughed and told me to be a little more... solid. Nope. I'm squishy and there is no way around it.

There's a reason Florida is both the Sunshine state and the lightening state:



Sunday at the beach, facing the intercostal



Monday, trapped in my car because it was raining that hard.

 It was a really relaxing weekend. Don't get me wrong, I still need more sleep and like, a sugar daddy to pay for lavish vacations and stuff, but I'm feeling much better and much more like myself.

Plus I'm feeling all squishy and sentimental because I love these girls.

I'm looking forward to Friday because it's opening day! YAY BASEBALL!

Tonight: dinner with Penny!

Eventually: I will locate Roxanne!

I hope all of you had great weekends. I'll be back soon with a post on more things I find awkward. Uh, maybe. Now that I've announced it, I'll probably change my mind.

I like your faces!

 ETA: I realized that I named this post first, when I knew I wanted to talk about the girls, but then I never made it around to telling the story that involved working corners. I sort of wanted to leave it, and see if anyone noticed, but I'm terrible at that stuff and figured I'd just tell you the story anyways.

A few weeks ago, Venus, Fetus, Vye and I decided we would walk around the neighborhood for a workout. Fetus was complaining, and as we approached a crosswalk, where there was a gas station on our right, Venus yelled out to Fetus:

Ve: Stop complaining! And you better not cut through the gas station! All the way to the corner.

Lor: Yeah! We don't cut corners!

Vye: YEAH! We don't cut corners, we work them!

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