Lorraine Says . Unavailable To Talk

Well... I've been quiet this week. The funny thing is that the post I've been working on since Tuesday is all about my communication shortcomings and why you shouldn't talk to me. Funny little note here guys: blogging about not wanting to communicate will make you not want to communicate. Hmph.

Funny note part two: Boredom wins every time. So, even though this post has been festering for a couple days now, and I kind of want to punch it in the teeth, it's Friday! And you guys know Rule # 3 of How to Never Work, Ever:

It's Friday.

Now, I've been a bad blogger in other ways too. I've gotten a sudden onset slew of awards and I've just been terrible about posting them/thanking you all/passing them on/flexing my muscles/kissing my biceps/polishing my trophies with the tears of losers. And for that I'm sorry.

And also kidding. I'm not usually a winner of things so this is kind of awesome! So, in an attempt to catch up I give you the Award Round-Up:


From Fortune's Fool



From Christina, Stacey, H, and Coyote Rose

Let me warn you beforehand that I'm not going to play by the rules so you don't go screaming in fear that I will bombard you with all of this. BUT, here's what I'm supposed to do:

- List 5 guilty pleasures and pass it on to 3 people.
- List 7 facts about myself and nominate other bloggers
- Share pictures of my life

Yeah well, no. I do what I want. That said, please click on those above links because all of those ladies are wonderful bloggers. And if you gave us an award and I forgot it, omgpleaseforgiveme. I'll buy you zebra cakes. :)

So, without further ado, I give you the "I do what I want" version of all this:

Seven Little Things You Should Know About My Communication Skills, Most of Which I Might Have Already Mentioned.

1. I operate in extremes. Which means that when I want to talk, I talk a whole fudgin' lot. Like, a lot, a lot. And when I don't want to talk, that means like at all. It means that talking actually feels physically exhausting to me.

2. I'm really good at talking a lot, but not saying a thing. I find this is a good skill to have when you want to distract people, like the police, interviewers, my mom or even your mom.

3. I hate being forced to talk. "Well... tell me more," might as well be an insult to my dead grandma for how it makes me feel.

4. I hate being left in the air. I tend to attract people who are just like me- that is, who go through anti-social moods and cycles. I have a tendency to disappear for a while, just because I want to be by myself. Trust me, I get it. If you want to be alone, I GET IT.

The thing I find that's the difference in me and others this way, is that I'll tell you: I don't feel like talking. I want to be alone. Can't I just have a pajama day? etc. I'll rally my strength and put together just enough energy to let you know that it isn't you, it's me.

If you just disappear, and don't tell me you're taking some you time, how am I supposed to know you didn't fall into a ditch somewhere and get eaten by alligators? HUH?

5. You can't hurt my feelings. Or, I should say, most people can't. Or, perhaps, I should further amend that it takes a lot to hurt my feelings. It bothers and hurts me more when people just aren't honest. This probably goes back to #3 but I can't stand not knowing. Most times when people feel they are sparing my feelings, I feel they are just insulting my intelligence.

6. I'm not the best at describing how I feel, in the moment. Later, I'll probably be able to better surmise it, especially on paper. In real life, you'll get lots of unintelligible sounds. Good luck deciphering.

7. I'm okay with silence. There are some who would try and fill it, whether it's a natural lull in conversation or a quiet car ride. Why? There's nothing better than being with people you're comfortable speaking to, but also, being quiet around.


And so there you have it. I wrote that list in acceptance of my awards and because it's mildly related to what I originally started writing about. The below came together because sometime this week, I fell asleep at like 10pm and woke up at 3am done with sleep. Wide awake, just absolutely rested and ready to go, except it was 3am. Not even the sun was ready to go, so I had to sit in the dark and wiggle my toes for a while.

A little bit after I woke up, I noticed my morning breath. Now, it wasn't abnormally terrible morning breath, but I have a thing with morning breath. I'm sure no one likes it, but I actively and enthusiastically HATE it. I must brush my teeth as soon as I'm awake and once I've brushed my teeth there is no going back to sleep until the next night time.

Anyways, I got up and brushed my teeth and thought a little about how important teeth brushing is and one thing led to the next and I give you:

Times You Should Probably NOT Talk to Me

- Before I've brushed my teeth in the morning. Seriously, leave me alone. 1.) Because I think it's nasty. b.) Because I really can't think properly in the morning before I've brushed my teeth and cat.) because you don't want to be that near me so soon after I've woken up. After I brush my teeth, I'm totes a morning person though. Happy and chipper.

- If I don't have my glasses/contacts on. I know this sounds silly but I can't like... hear well... when I don't have my glasses on. There's just an understanding barrier when I can't see. I'm pretty blind kids. I swear this is a thing.

- As soon as I get home from work. I just spent the last 9 hours doing stuff I don't really want to do. Please, no talking.

- If I'm giving you monosyllabic answers. Get the hint.

- On the elevator. I stand by this feeling. Elevator talk is so awkward. We only have a matter of seconds man. What of value could you possible have to share?

- On the telephone, like ever. I don't like to do it, omgpleasedon'tmakeme. The thought of talking on the phone seriously makes me itch. I only ever make exceptions for people I'm very close to who know I don't like talking on the phone, so if they're calling me it must be important.

- From the stall next to me. Okay, so I've done it before, but only ever without realizing or if I was having a conversation before I got into the stall. But generally, don't talk to me about your lunch or dentist appointment while you're squatting. Please.

Anyways, looking back on that list, it sounds kind of mean. I'm sorry. I wrote most of it yesterday when I was dying of hunger and there were Girl Scout cookies for sale in the break room but I NEVER carry cash and $4 were all that stood between me and heaven. Sigh.

I've eaten since then and I'm feeling better! Plus, yay, it's Friday! I've caught the shopping bug so even though last weekend I was all, "can't spend money!" this weekend I'm all, "shop! shop! shop! shop! shop! ERRYBODY!"

Also, you know when a good time to leave me a comment is? ALWAYS.

So go ahead. Tell me when I shouldn't talk to you.

Have wonderful weekends.