Lorraine Says: Koala Annihilation And Other Silly Things

A couple of years ago, I went to Universal Studios for the first time with California Tax, Ting Ting and my little sister Vyelit. It was Christmas Day and we were having a blast, even though Universal Studios seemed a little lame. And by lame, I mean, right up my alley because all the "rides" are little baby things where they show you movies or motion simulate you (rawr). So when we got to the ride "The Mummy," I thought nothing of it.

Maybe some of you who know the ride just rolled your eyes all, "The Mummy? Really? Don't tell me that it scared you," in which case I will refer you to some simple Lorraine math: me = chicken. Let me tell you the types of roller coasters I enjoy: none. The end.

So, I got into the big Mummy building oblivious enough, looking at all the cheap props and wondering why the line was about twice as long as any other ride. We literally walked and walked and zigged and zagged and waited and walked until finally we climbed some stairs and a sign caught my eyes:


You've got to be fudgin' kidding me.

I turned around to my friends and demanded to know if they were getting me on a roller coaster. They died laughing. I started hyperventilating, because that sign forgot to mention that total wusses should also not ride this ride. People around me started pointing and laughing as I kept repeating, "this is a roller coaster?! THIS IS A ROLLER COASTER??" and probably looked a little like this:

The warning was a little late though because some time during my melt down, we'd reached the end of the line and I was being strapped it. I will say that the end of that story is me not dying, in case you were wondering.

The point of the story, however, is that I remembered this while thinking about how hard it is for me to write introductions.Y'all know I don't have a problem going on and on in the middle of my posts. I just find it hard to not make all of my introductions fair warnings to you all. Something along the lines of, "Hey guys. It's Monday again. Yep. Monday. My eyes are soggy, my belly is full of lunch, which was really pancakes because I decided that breakfast for lunch was amazing and it was but now I'm full. Also, the weekend included even more down time which means that I had lots of time to think of silly things which I now feel compelled to share with you, even though they may make no sense and will probably not tie in together at all."

Then again, if you're reading this blog, if you've read this blog before I should say, you probably know that all of this is a given. Just like I should've know that the GIANT building, where you had to put away all loose personal belongings, and the line was ginormous, and you had to climb up to get to the start of the ride, was housing an indoor roller coaster.

Either way, a warning is always nice.

Ahem. Warned.


- This morning I got out of the shower and nearly froze to death (by which I mean it was in the 50's overnight so that's my definition of the house being freezing cold.) It reminded me of how I've been going all around the internet leaving comments on other people's blogs about how my inner beach bunny is PISSED. It always happens around this time. I just need to go to the beach. I have to. I cannot wait until it's beach weather again.

As I was getting dressed, I literally had the thought, "I have the winter blues."

And of course, that means that I've had this song stuck in my head ALL DAY:






UGH. WHAT THE HECK?

Yum. Dinner.

- I mentioned on Twitter that my beach bunny was peeved and Jennifer B, a fellow Floridian said her beach bunny was a little too fluffy to be seeing much of the beach anyways.

WORD. Now I admit that dinner last night was Venus, Fetus, Vyelit and me sitting on my bed eating a tray of cheesecake with four plastic spoons.

- Just to keep on with the "I'm a sugar junkie" theme I'll tell you about my latest craving. It all started because Pink, my older sister is pregnant and has been begging me to make her the oatmeal cookies with cream cheese froasting she's been craving. I keep telling her I will, but haven't yet.

She's taken to calling me out on Facebook too. She has whole threads where she's tagged me and people are begging me to please just make the pregnant woman my amazing, famous cookies already! Embarrassing.

Anyways, while talking about the cookies, she told me I could even just give her the cookies and icing separately so she could dunk them. And I randomly said, "Like Dunkaroos?"

Her eyes lit up, and mine did too. OMG. Do you guys remember Dunkaroos? Sure, there were basically Teddy-Grahams and vanilla frosting in a little plastic container but also, they were magic.

Which got me to thinking about Koala Yummies. I had no idea they were called that, but I used my Google-fu skills and found that out for you. You're welcome. I took great enjoyment out of biting the heads and appendages of these koala bears off and just leaving their chocolate filled tummies for last.

Can someone find me one or both of these? Pretty please?

- Saturday I was determined to spend every penny to my name on clothing and shoes. That was until I spent the first $40 on tan wedges and then money-spending-sobriety hit me.

Then, I had to go to a baby shower. How did that go? Oh, you know. Typical. The invitation said that the event started at 12:00pm. Obviously if you convert that into Hispanic Standard Time, that clearly equals 2:40pm. Yep. Needless to say that by the time I left there, I was ready to spend every penny to my name again.

The universe conspired against me, however, and there was just nothing to my liking in the places we went to shop. Rox did provide me with tons of giggles (Penny was MIA) and I've started to keep a running list of Roxanne's constant associations. Seriously. She does these things at the drop of a hat and they are always dead on.

The List of Associations Roxanne Amazingly Associated

#1 - I tried this dress on at Forever 21 and as I exit the dressing room, Rox takes one look at me and says, "You look like a Polly Pocket. "

Balls.

#2 - We tried a strawberry white chocolate muffin from Starbucks. She tells me to try a bite, and after hers she announces, "It tastes like Fruity Pebbles baked in a muffin."

#3 - We're walking around a plaza and there is a Dollar Tree. Rox wants to go in and see if they have make-up on sale and as soon as we walk in she says, "Every Dollar Tree has a distinct aroma. I'd see it's a mix between plastic and a Cinnamon candle. "

I don't know guys. She'd totally make it on a Wheaties box as an Olympic Associater.


I hope you all had great weekends.