Lorraine Says: Welcome To Plutonia

I think blog muscles are like any other muscles: if you don't use them often, they get all weak-like and stupid looking. Sigh. That was my lingering thought all this Monday, with a blank post open, staring at me as I unstapled papers.

In the grand scheme of things, I don't even want to be a blogger body builder but I also don't want saggy blog mucles! I don't like feeling all rusty and atrophied. I guess what I'm trying to say is, "it's been a toasty 60 seconds since I last posted something legit and I'm sort of wondering how this all works again."

It's sort of like I have blog performance anxiety. Nobody wants that.

I mean, I guess I can sit here and tell you all about the nonsense that's been on my mind lately, but I fear that at the end of it all, you guys will be all, "Yeah, yeah Lorraine. Wet cardboard IS gross... and?"

Anyways, I guess I'll just do what you do when you have performance anxiety. Wait... what do you do? I'm not sure. This might be a question for another blogger.

I guess I'll do what I do when I get nervous: shuffle my feet and babble. You'll have to imagine the feet shuffling but the babble? Oh, the babble...

Seven Things Lorraine Will Babble About That Probably Don't Really Need to Be in List Form

1.) Pancakes are overrated. Guys, I think I'm retiring the sex pancakes. It was a nice little run.

This past Saturday, Rox and I finally met up with Phoenix and we pretty much just included him in our normal Saturday morning plans, like he was one of the girls. This meant a trip to IHOP, where I was finally able to see that there probably is such thing as too much of a good thing.

The meet-up itself was quite entertaining. Breakfast though? Meh. I'm over it. On to the next temporary obsession! Oh, like you don't already know that

2.) Zebra Cakes are heaven. I just realized that by doing this in list form, my whole entire weekend is going to appear out of time order. It's okay though, right? It'll be like one of those cool indie films where you don't know until somewhere in the middle of the movie that everything you've seen was like 25 years in the future.

So, anyways, Friday night, Penny, Rox and I opted for our usually "Friday is not the weekend" shenans: food and shopping. We stopped at our favorite place for nail polish and make-up where I ended up buying a $13 bottle of liquid gold OPI nail polish, because apparently I'm a big baller, that way.

But it is sooo pretty. :)


Anyways, shopping led to hungries so that we ended up at Penny's favorite salad and sub place. It was one of those nights where we just felt especially chatty. We grilled Penny about Anthology. We checked in with Rox and her ever pasty-Goober. And I told Penny about how Rox went poking around our email (which she never uses!) to spy on me!

This all opened the night up to very interesting conversation and confessions. The kind of conversations where every sentence begins with, "I know this is TMI but..." As if TMI has ever stopped us.

After food was in our bellies, Penny decided she needed a hot chocolate, Rox decided that she needed chocolate wine and I decided I needed Zebra Cakes. I love their sugary and artificially flavored goodness! Honestly. I'm craving them all the time now and I'm just waiting for the day they become little Christmas trees.

Actually, everything Christmas related is aggravating me right now. I like Christmas, but only at some point AFTER Thanksgiving. Do I really need TWO MONTHS of Christmas music in stores? NO. That said, they can bring out decorations and jingles the day after Halloween, but I'm still waiting for my Christmas tree Zebra cakes?! SHAME. This is prejudice against me.

Anyways, we spent the rest of the night downing both on Raymond the Couch, where Rox made us re-watch "The Box." Because she hates us.

Here's a little piece of advice:

3.) Don't f#&$ them! As I was texting Penny in an attempt to make plans for Friday night, she called me. I totally didn't answer though because 1.) I HATE talking on the phone b.) I thought she wanted to talk about what I was already texting her about and cat.) I'm an awesome friend that way.

When Penny finally showed up to Rox's house later that night, she told me that she was in fact calling me in an effort to not get raped. See, she was selling her iPhone and found a buyer in some kid who was in her math class a handful of semesters ago. She wanted me to go with her to meet him, since we are notorious for putting ourselves in high danger-situations and she was meeting him at his house.

In awesome and related news, he was a cool kid and totally not an axe murderer. Rox and I got really excited over this development, because if the Phoenix meeting wasn't enough indication, we've been feeling oddly social lately. Oh, plus we like Penny and it's cool when she isn't axe murdered.

Rox: YES. We should meet these guys. Invite them out with us.

Pen: No! I just met this kid again. I'm not just gonna be like, "Hey come out with us."

Rox: Ughhh... Yep.

Lor: Yep. I want more friends who are boys. But you can't sleep with them. 

Pen: WTF?! Are you kidding? I hate my best friends.

Penny will probably kill me for telling you about that, but Rox and I died of giggles after I said it. On a side note, Penny totes keeps her pants on! Promise.

I told this story to Phoenix the next day.

Phoenix: Why did you say that? Does she sleep with all of your friends?

Lor: Not at all! But sex ruins everything, and if one of sleeps with a boy, it's over for him. He can't be our friend anymore.

Phoenix: But one of you slept with me.

Lor: Yeaaaah, but no one was trying to be your friend.

Phoenix: WELL THANKS A LOT.

Well, it was true at the time! Now, however, Phoenix has entered

4.) The Lovely State of Plutonia. After spending the entire afternoon fostering Phoenix and Roxanne's thrift and antique shop habit, we decided to refuel at a Wendy's. We grilled Phoenix about his past and present dating life while he disgustingly ate a frosty with M&M's.

It was gross because he was spitting out the M&M's out like they were sunflower seeds. I have no idea. We just watched in disgust.

Phoenix: It's nice that we've reached this place where I don't have to worry about either of you being attracted to me. Just a state of platonia. 

Rox: What? Plutonia? Like the planet?

Phoenix: NOT plutonia! What the hell? Platonia.

Lor: Like platonic? I didn't know platonia was a form of platonic.

Phoenix: You know, I'm not sure that it is. I wouldn't use that in conversation, just to be safe. 

Plutonia is a nice place. Also nice this time of year?

5.) Home. I spent a lot of time at home this weekend too. I swear, I can't decide if I want to be 24 or 89 on any given day. This is not a complaint.

I was pretty tuckered out after spending all day bouncing between antique stores and watching Phoenix try on women's blazers. I was in bed at an embarrassing time watching Empire Records on Saturday night. 

Lather, rinse and repeat for Sunday, where I didn't even make it past the first commercial break of The Walking Dead.

I like zombies guys. I think I actually said this a handful of times to Phoenix, as if this explained so much about me. "Hey, how you been lately, Lor?" "Oh, you know, I love zombies."

I don't know how this even works out because I don't like to be scared and I hate things that are gross. And I find a lot of things gross.

6.) These things are gross. Seriously, wet cardboard. Ew. I threw out a box the other day and I just put it down next to the garbage can and it rained that night and well, EW. Also, soggy Cocoa Puffs. French onion soup. Pickles. Dirty fingernails.

Finally, (and you thought you'd never see the end)

7. Thirty Days of Truth

Day Twenty

Views on drugs and alcohol.

Well, that's a little broad, eh? I'll limit this to my own personal usage. I really don't want to sit here and preach to big girls and boys about what they are ultimately doing to themselves. I guess don't hurt anyone and the rest is between you and your own personal beliefs.

As for me personally, I've never done any drugs, and never intend on it. I see absolutely no point and have absolutely no desire to try. I do drink occasionally. All in moderation.

I try my best, kids.

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Vlogging has spoiled me. As I started this blog at 9am, I thought about how comparatively easy it was to talk to a camera. That said, I think I've finally decided that Rox and I will finally answer those questions from our Bloggiversary via vlog. 

Seriously, we're gonna get to those things.

Also, on my additional love for r, robot voices and this: Clicket Click!.

Indeed.

♥

Lorraine

Thirty Days of Truth

(1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.  (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20) views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .