Lorraine Says: Like I Like My Coffee

"How tall do you think I am?!" I shouted across the toy aisle to where Cheese Cream was standing by the bikes. There's something about being surrounded by Lego's and Play-Doh that makes shouting and skipping acceptable. Even if you are nearly 24...

"5'2'' and a little bit," Cheese Cream shouted back as I put myself up against the wall measuring poster thingy. "What the...? I take it back. Five feet. What the hell?"

I giggled. No one ever thinks I'm that short. Maybe it's the boobs.

When you're five feet tall, it's easy to be intimidated by things. Well... fine, I'm already easily intimidated and easily embarrassed. The fact that I'm looking up at almost everything doesn't help.

I thought about this all as I tried to untangle my Monday morning feelings. I'm not as tired as I usually am Monday, I had an amazing weekend, somewhere before these words I got up for a cup of coffee, I should be getting my car back today, and the next few weeks should be pretty amazing.

(Side note -  I realized I'm one of those, "like my coffee like I like my men" people: light, sort of flimsy, and really sweet. *giggle*)

All of this should make me happy but I knew as I listened the same song on repeat and had trouble focusing my eyes that something was off:

Life is intimidating me.

Rox and I had IHOP on Saturday morning. Yep. It was magic. I bet if I had a stack of those strawberry cheesecake pancakes right about now, I'd be shaking fists at life all, "me and THIS army." But that's neither here nor there.

IHOP judges us, I think. We sit there, with entirely way too much food and IHOP shakes it's head at us and demands to know what we're doing with all of our creative energy, all our amazing plan making skills, all our smarter than the average bear-ness. We don't know, IHOP. At least, I know I don't know.

It's why I keep sticking to what's comfortable. It's why I've been showing up to my cubicle job for the past 8 months, because it isn't a challenge, no one notices me, it's comfortable money and it requires no further effort.

It's why I keep turning to Magpie, not literally or physically, but emotionally. It's why I still remember him with fondness and feed into my "I miss him" emotions. Because even though I know that he's moving on, getting over this last hump and putting up a headstone on the entire thing requires that last push of energy and effort. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Having it be really, really over, emotionally and all, is intimidating.

It's why I'm now a couple of weeks out of the start of the semester, and as much as I want to go to school, I haven't committed to a single damn thing.

It's so many things that want to change at once, and I'm not sure how to do it all at the same time. I'M ONLY FIVE FEET TALL. (Dude, I'm sure one of the perks of being fun-sized is being able to irrationally blame being fun-sized for stuff.)

That's where I am, this Monday morning.

In case you wondered how I got here, other than my mommy's car (I really miss my car...) here's the Weekend Wrapped Up:

1.) Friday is not the weekend. I voted, I vetoed Friday's ability to disguise itself as the weekend. During the day, Rox, Pen and I exchanged, "what should we dooo?" texts/emails/BBM's. As soon as I stepped in my house Friday evening,

Lor: I look like ish.

Rox: I feel like ish.

Pen:                     

(silence. She went missing to sleepy land.)

Okay Friday. We get it.

2.) Saturday morning I was up by 6:30am. Do you guys remember how I'm in counseling? Well part of the deal was meeting with my aunt the Pastor Saturday morning. So I did that, and then went home and took the longest shower ever, probably to make up for the fact that last Saturday, I was too lazy to shave. By the time I got out, Rox had already "hai'd" me and it was only a matter of time before we made plans to get dolled up, eat pancakes, and bounce around town.

I put on a skirt, I changed that skirt, emptied the contents of my closet only to end up with the original skirt, I did my make-up, puffed my hair (it wasn't behaving) played with my guitar, assessed the possibility of learning Paramore's "Only Exception," died of hunger, resurrected and Rox was all, "Dude, seriously, five more minutes."

I'm so used to being the late one! It was weird. Anyways, when I got out to the car, Rox looked flippin' adorable.

Rox: Okay, so. I had a wardrobe melt-down. I had this hair, with this flowery shirt, and that blazer and I was leaving the house and I caught a glimpse of myself and... I looked like Tori from "Save By The Bell."

Lor: *dies again*

Do you guys remember the Kelly Kapowski bang? Apparently, Rox is on a one woman mission to resemble every character on "Saved By The Bell." I'm just anxiously waiting for the day when I get the BBM, "need 10 more minutes. I look like Screech."

Also, seriously, her association skills are off the charts. Everything looks like something, and she just happens to always know what that something is.

Anyhow, we ended up at IHOP, we were judged, and then we scooped Penny, who is anti-HOP.

What followed, my dear friends, with no exaggeration was nearly 8 hours of straight shopping. We raped Target, pillaged the new super Forever 21 at the Aventura Mall, and made-out with Kohl's. And I don't feel the least bit bad about it.

Highlights of the day included Penny's climbing into the back-seat of Roxanne's Mustang and finding, in her words, "Lady Gaga's Lint Roller."

Me, sucking at calling shot gun and being stuck in the worst back seat evar.

Me, wearing a short skirt + the Mustangs leather seats. Ouch.

Rox "finding" her mix which was 87% NSYNC, then some Avril and Alanis. That was the soundtrack for the day. FML.

Any and every conversation that starts with, "I know this is TMI, BUT..."

Any and every conversation that starts with, "On MY wedding day..."

We're such girls. The best girls ever invented.

3.) Sunday, I went to church, ate dinner and had dessert with Cheese, Pink and Gailey. I also went on a massive music organizing/listening spree. I've obtained so much new music over the past couple weeks and there was so much I hadn't listened to yet.

Thirty Days of Truth

Day Two

Something you love about yourself.

I'm not one of those "loves everybody, wants everyone to like her, wants everyone to be okay," types. It's hard to really plant yourself in my life (so says the short list of my good friends) but once you're there, once I love you in any capacity, I'm the caretaker.

I'm the hold your hair when you're throwing up, visit you with soup, hold your hand in the emergency room, text you just to see if you're alright, let you cry and complain to me friend. Not because I set out to be, but because that's how I know to show that I care. And apparently I'm equipped for all the above.

One day in the future, I can say with absolute certainty, that I'll make some lucky man very well taken care of.

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I feel like I have so much more to say. I'm not even sure what that would be, other than I fully intend on eating a bag of M&M's for lunch, but this post has gone on long enough.

I like you guys silly.

And I hope all of your weekends were filled with magical pancakes, really good music, even better friends, and shopping.

♥

Lorraine

You can check out the entire 30 day truth challenge after the jump.


Thirty Days of Truth

(1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15)Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .