Rox, Penny and I went shopping on Christmas Eve. Well, really, we’re broke so we wandered around Barnes and Noble and sipped coffee, our favorite pastime. Then we convinced ourselves that one itty-bitty nail-polish at the beauty store next door wouldn’t hurt anyone. Not even our bank accounts!
It’s amazing how much time we can spend in the nail polish section. I won’t elaborate because I realize that little $8 bottles of paint aren’t interesting to all. Anyways, I bought an $8 bottle of matte pink nail polish. Matte! I’d wanted to try it out because it’s unique.
I painted my nails that night before my family’s Christmas Eve dinner. Sure enough, as soon as I stepped in the door everyone was like, “What’s on your nails?!?” Well, to be accurate it was more like, “Mi hija? Que le pasa a tus uñas?” And, etc.
So the next day I painted them with a clear, shiny coat. Bye-bye matte.
What does this have to do with anything?
Well this BBM conversation happened that night.
Lor: I put shiny on my nails…
Rox: WHAT?! MATTE PINK IS A METAPHOR FOR LIFE.
Lor: Haha.
The next day I visited Rox and her mom, Confucius Mommy. I showed Rox my now shiny pink nails and she shared her outrage with CM.
Rox: She likes matte pink but because people didn’t approve, she changed it to shiny pink, even though shiny pink doesn’t really make her happy.
Lor: Teeeheeeheee! Hahahaha.
Confucius Mommy say: She’s right.
Gah.
And there, bottled up and sold at beauty stores nation-wide for 8 freakin’ dollars, is the story of my life. I liked the pink originally, the criticism got to me and I began to doubt my choice and then I went the safe route.
The funny thing is that sometimes it’s not even like I make a change begrudgingly. I just always second guess and convince myself that my original inclination was wrong. Rox and I always say, “As long as there’re 2 of us!” It’s the idea that there is strength in numbers when it comes to dysfunctionality. But when I’m alone, hearing the wrongs of matte pink for example, it’s easy to lose myself and doubt.
I went home and made them matte again.
The next day this BBM conversation happened:
Lor: My matte pink nails are chipping! What does it mean?
Rox: HMMM.
(Five minutes later)
Rox: Your dedication to getting what you want is waning.
Oh, I love her.
&lor
Lorraine Says: Silent G
Rox and I had a brief conversation about how I'm monopolizing the blog. But I can’t help it! The topic which shall not be named for now *ahemsuckingatlife* spurs on my creative adrenaline. I am not to be left alone with the thoughts zooming around in my head.
I wish I had a better introduction for what’s coming but there isn’t one. Perhaps an equation?
1 Lorraine + 1 sudden vacancy – 2 hours of sleep + 8 hours of alone time / 1% desire to vocalize emotions * 13 Dove Chocolates =
The Words I Hate. (After order of operations, of course)
Ahem.
I, for the most part, love words. I’m verbose and chatty and always have been. Merriam Webster is always among my top 3 visited sites. (Yes, I did just admit to a love affair with the dictionary. I can’t help it!)
There are, however, a few words that I find utterly detestable. Some look ugly, some sound ugly, but most are just discriminated against because of the personal preferences we acquire as we move through life.
Without further ado, I bring you:
&lor
I wish I had a better introduction for what’s coming but there isn’t one. Perhaps an equation?
1 Lorraine + 1 sudden vacancy – 2 hours of sleep + 8 hours of alone time / 1% desire to vocalize emotions * 13 Dove Chocolates =
The Words I Hate. (After order of operations, of course)
Ahem.
I, for the most part, love words. I’m verbose and chatty and always have been. Merriam Webster is always among my top 3 visited sites. (Yes, I did just admit to a love affair with the dictionary. I can’t help it!)
There are, however, a few words that I find utterly detestable. Some look ugly, some sound ugly, but most are just discriminated against because of the personal preferences we acquire as we move through life.
Without further ado, I bring you:
- Panties - Ew! That word is so skeevy. Seriously. If pedophiles were instead called panties, I think it would be more effective. "A panty just moved into our neighborhood?!" This word earns extra negative points because I hate words that are used un-translated in Spanish. It tortures me in two languages. For the love of clean underwear, just don't. Refrain.
- Moist - Perhaps a more commonly hated word, moist deserves all the ill feelings it gets. I think the biggest offender here is the "oi" sound. Second place goes to pairing it with a "m." The "st" is an innocent bystander. Moi, moi, moi, moi, GAG. Beyond that, moist is such an indifferent word. What's the most exciting thing that can be moist? A towelette?
- Phlegm - Again, probably a popular one because, hello? I'm pretty apathetic about the "ph" as an "f" sound. Whatever. I'm hooked on phonics. It's fine. But a silent g? Nothing ever good comes from a silent g. All I need to say there is gnome. And this silent g is sandwiched in the ugly word for the mucus that lines your nasal passages. Can I just ask, what was wrong with "flem?"
- Super - Super is so unconvincing. "How was your day?" "Super." Surrre it was. Sure. Plus this has a hated memory attached. There is a home video somewhere of me with like poofy, untamed hair, performing a cheer that I swear until this day, my older sister taught me. She'll out right deny it as she laughs and laughs and laughs, but I know the truth. So yeah, it's me singing: S-U-P-T-R, super, super that's what we are. Whatever. My hair is tamed, my spelling has improved, but super still sucks.
- Womb - I don't really ever have occasion to use the word womb in conversation, which I would say is a good thing. It's almost an unnatural sound. Womb. What it really reminds me of is playing Sonic the Hedgehog, and you'd jump on the static TV looking boxes, and there'd be a protection bubble, and you'd hear: wooooomb.
&lor
Lorraine Says: Confessions of a Bad Driver
I’ve diagnosed myself with a Tourette’s version of road rage:
“Yeah, so I was at the mall yest- HEY IDIOT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU STANK BREATHED BOOGER- erday, and I saw the cutest pair of shoes. Heehee!”
I’ve been thinking a lot about my driving lately for two reasons:
Whatever. I blogged! And now there is only 1 hour left in the work day, after which I will get into my car and wreak my havoc upon the driving world. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Don’t say I didn’t- WHAT THE HECK YOU SLUG OF A HUMAN BEING! FLICK YOUR MOTHER’S LIVER, JERK AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.
&lor
“Yeah, so I was at the mall yest- HEY IDIOT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU STANK BREATHED BOOGER- erday, and I saw the cutest pair of shoes. Heehee!”
I’ve been thinking a lot about my driving lately for two reasons:
- 90% of the time, if I’m with a group of friends, I’m driving. And the funny part is, I usually preface with, “Sure, let’s take my car. I’m a really bad driver, but everyone jump in!”
- My total driving time has increased significantly since I took on my (sorta!)temp job. I think the actual travel time is like 15-20 minutes on clear and free highways with normal to slightly above normal speeding. It’s taken me up to an hour to get home, however, with traffic. That’s just a lot of freakin’ time in a car.
- You’re probably honking at me, but I can’t hear you because my music is turned up so loud. Keep honking!
- There are NO valid reasons for driving below the speed limit.
- If your vehicle is not in a condition to drive at the speed limit, get it off the road. That means you, construction truck, garbage truck, old beat down car your grandma gave you. I don’t CARE. Move.
- If trucks and tankers are moving to get away from you, get off the road.
- The slow lane is NOT the barely moving lane.
- I know your exit is coming up, but it does not require a complete stop. MOVE.
- I know the light ahead is red, but I’d like to get there in this lifetime.
- If a cellphone, compact, or baby slows you down to the point of stupidity, get off the road. - My parking is bad. Really bad. But as long as I’m between those two white lines? Fair.
- Do not ask me to move in reverse for longer than the 2 seconds it takes me to pull out.
- Parallel park? This is FLORIDA.
- Pedestrians will be run over for shenanigans like walking in the middle of roads, thanking me for stopping when I didn’t really give you permission to jump in front of my car, or looking at me straight in the eyes. Keep your head low.
- I almost ran into the side of a police car once. He grilled me and I giggled. I don’t know why I’m not in jail.
- I have NO texting and driving skills, so I refrain.
- I didn’t get my learner’s until I was 18, and I drove around with that until I was 21 when I actually got my license.
- No, no, NO. Don’t YOU switch lanes too. I’m trying to get away FROM YOU.
- I’ll make it impossible for people to pass me, just to have a giggle.
- I tie lots of memories to driving. If you’ve been in my car, I’ll remember you. I’ll remember the song that was playing while you were there. I’ll smell you in my car after you leave.
Whatever. I blogged! And now there is only 1 hour left in the work day, after which I will get into my car and wreak my havoc upon the driving world. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Don’t say I didn’t- WHAT THE HECK YOU SLUG OF A HUMAN BEING! FLICK YOUR MOTHER’S LIVER, JERK AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.
&lor
Lorraine Says: -_-
It’s possible that I’ve been crying for the past 48 hours. I mean, it’s only possible in the way that it’s possible that any of us have been crying, because it’s not like I would openly admit to something like that, ha ha ha ha ha.
-_-
Soooooo… I’ve been crying a lot. And the bad thing is that I feel like I need to cry some more. I’m in that awkward in between stage where I’ve cried too much to feel okay about it, but cried too little to feel better. It’s all been yucky emotions, no grand revelations or conclusions. I did, however, have one observation: I am like a Jack-in-the-box. Please, resist the urge to get distracted like I did, and go Wikipedia Jack-in-the-boxes. Oh, you’re totally gonna do it now, aren’t you? Fine. I’ll wait. Look, here’s a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_in_the_box.
-_-
Anyways, the point is this: From the outside, I appear to be all hard edges, impervious and impermeable. But of course, there are those people in life that seem to get under your skin, the people that find your crank (okay that sounds dirty, but you know what I mean.) Situations, fate, the universe, whatever, they all take their turn giggling while they turn my crank. Even then I’m pretty resilient. People are more likely to get bored than I am to burst. If any of this has sounded like me tooting my own horn, it really isn’t, because the point is, that resilient or not, I do reach a point where I burst, but it isn’t funny because there is no effin' clown or ditty music.
-_-
Soooooo… I’ve been crying a lot. And the bad thing is that I feel like I need to cry some more. I’m in that awkward in between stage where I’ve cried too much to feel okay about it, but cried too little to feel better. It’s all been yucky emotions, no grand revelations or conclusions. I did, however, have one observation: I am like a Jack-in-the-box. Please, resist the urge to get distracted like I did, and go Wikipedia Jack-in-the-boxes. Oh, you’re totally gonna do it now, aren’t you? Fine. I’ll wait. Look, here’s a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_in_the_box.
-_-
Anyways, the point is this: From the outside, I appear to be all hard edges, impervious and impermeable. But of course, there are those people in life that seem to get under your skin, the people that find your crank (okay that sounds dirty, but you know what I mean.) Situations, fate, the universe, whatever, they all take their turn giggling while they turn my crank. Even then I’m pretty resilient. People are more likely to get bored than I am to burst. If any of this has sounded like me tooting my own horn, it really isn’t, because the point is, that resilient or not, I do reach a point where I burst, but it isn’t funny because there is no effin' clown or ditty music.
I drove clear across the world yesterday and took a two hour lunch so I could sit and talk with Roxanne. She listened to me wah, wah all dewey eyed and unsure. Plus we talked a little about Brown Bag and ate sandwiches. I want to say, THANKS BEEF. It really made me feel better. We will find our way to be un-falling apart, and be the amazing, flirty, creative, productive girls we are. Eventually. I really have to backtrack and catch up blog but I don’t wanna.
-_-
Cryfest ’09 started on Tuesday night and it’s now Thursday morning. I think that’s enough freakin’ crying, no? To be completely honest, as I finish this blog, I feel much, much better. I know nothing is actually better, but I’ve managed to stuff that clown back down into the box. People of the world, take your shot turning my crank.
&Lor
-_-
Cryfest ’09 started on Tuesday night and it’s now Thursday morning. I think that’s enough freakin’ crying, no? To be completely honest, as I finish this blog, I feel much, much better. I know nothing is actually better, but I’ve managed to stuff that clown back down into the box. People of the world, take your shot turning my crank.
&Lor
Lorraine Says: I'm Happy! Oh No, Now I'm Sad Again. Nope! Happy!
Really smart people should find a way to harness the energy produced by my incessant mood swings. No lie, that could be my contribution to society: powering the nation with the force of my indecision and disposition to change.
Awesome.
And totally stupid, I know. So sans epic contribution to the world, I'm just a moody girl. I thought about this as I sat down and racked my brain to form conclusions about the weekend, or conclusions on the current state of my life or on my outlook, or I don't care, a conclusion on my ideas about underwater basket weaving. WHO CARES? I just desperately felt the need to gather my thoughts.
I'm so annoying to MYSELF sometimes.
Rox touched a little bit on how lost and aimless we've been in the last few weeks. There is still desire to accomplish all of our goals, long and short term, but some of the go get 'em spark is gone. And man do I not want to plan a single other thing. Plans are worthless if they are never acted on. At this point planning something might as well be a resolutions list. (Sorry Rox, but BOOOO. I've always hated those things.)
I just don't want to take any of the first steps I know I have to take.
I'm sure there was more to say, but I'm generally not feeling the whiny tone here and the lack of funny, so I think I'll leave it there. Feel free to laugh AT me however. Someone's got to get their kicks and giggles!
Apparently Rox and I only function if we are focused on some sort of looming adventure. Whatevs man. If that's what it takes to not become a cubicle person, I'm down.
&lor
Awesome.
And totally stupid, I know. So sans epic contribution to the world, I'm just a moody girl. I thought about this as I sat down and racked my brain to form conclusions about the weekend, or conclusions on the current state of my life or on my outlook, or I don't care, a conclusion on my ideas about underwater basket weaving. WHO CARES? I just desperately felt the need to gather my thoughts.
I'm so annoying to MYSELF sometimes.
Rox touched a little bit on how lost and aimless we've been in the last few weeks. There is still desire to accomplish all of our goals, long and short term, but some of the go get 'em spark is gone. And man do I not want to plan a single other thing. Plans are worthless if they are never acted on. At this point planning something might as well be a resolutions list. (Sorry Rox, but BOOOO. I've always hated those things.)
I just don't want to take any of the first steps I know I have to take.
I'm sure there was more to say, but I'm generally not feeling the whiny tone here and the lack of funny, so I think I'll leave it there. Feel free to laugh AT me however. Someone's got to get their kicks and giggles!
Apparently Rox and I only function if we are focused on some sort of looming adventure. Whatevs man. If that's what it takes to not become a cubicle person, I'm down.
&lor
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